Alright for me, this post is huge. I have never admitted this to anyone except my husband before but now I think it is time. I am terrified of pretty much everything. You give me a life situation and I will tell you what scares me about it.
Driving to the store- I am scared of getting in an accident or hitting a pedestrian. driving to my moms- I am scared of going under the overpasses on the freeway cause I think they will buckle. Going to the bathroom- I am scared a snake or spider will come up from the toilet(dumb, I know). After my husband leaves for work- I am scared someone will break into the apartment. coming home from work- I am scared someone has already broken in and is waiting in the apartment. Going camping- I am afraid of a bear eating me at night. going 4-wheeling- I am afraid of it tipping over and killing me. going tubing- I am afraid of losing control and drowning( I am also afraid of drowning in general). going anywhere- I am afraid of someone trying to steal my purse. Horses- I am scared they will realize they can step on me and they will. having kids- I am scared my baby won't be healthy and it will have something wrong with it and as awful as it sounds, I don't know if I could handle that. Also with kids- I am scared of my baby dying from SIDS, also I am scared I will miscarry and never get over it. Buying a house- I am scared both of us with lose our jobs. Going across train tracks- I am scared our car will get stuck on the tracks and a train will kill us. Elevators- I am scared the wires will rust and break plummeting myself to my death. And these aren't just in-the-back-of-my-mind fears, these are constantly-on-my-mind-aware-leary of fears.
There are so many more, these are just the main ones. I know that everyone has their worries and concerns in life, but mine are down right paralyzing fears. It has gotten to the point that I can't sleep at night, or that I have to take sleep aids to be able to sleep. On tuesday there was a home invasion at my apartment complex and it made things so much worse. I was scared to come home, I was sweating and nervous in the car on my way home because I did not want to be alone at my apartment. Because of the recent events Jason and I are doing EVERYTHING we can to get out of our lease and be able to move. I know moving will help, but it will not take away my fears.
So I have decided to go to therapy.
There were a lot of things that happened to me in my childhood that I thought I had worked through, but I can't help but think they have something to do with my fears today.
So today is the day. I have my first appointment today after work, I am really nervous and could use some support. I don't quite remember when I started to be so scared, I want to say it was around when I was 20. I used to LOVE everything about life. I used to enjoy camping and people, and now I dread those things. I want to enjoy life again like I once did. I want to be able to go camping and not thank god every morning that a bear didn't eat me(seriously, I do that). So I hope today is the first step towards change. A better way, a better life.
It upsets me that going to therapy is looked down upon in this society, or looked at as a weakness. There is no shame in trying to better and improve your life. I am not ashamed or even scared to tell you that I am going to therapy. I would love and appreciate your support, but I do not need it.
WISH ME LUCK!
update: WE GOT OUT OF OUR LEASE!!!! we are moving out on the 25th of May!
9 comments:
Kati! You're amazing! I'm scared all the time. Of dumb things too!! YEAH!! Good luck at therapy... I totally agree with you that it's not a bad thing. It actually shows strength not weakness. You could give up at any point, it's easier then to admit you need help with this (or anything for that matter) but your doing something about it before it consumes your entire being! Love you and good luck!
That is a wonderful step to take! It is not a weak thing at all. I am proud of you. You just have to do what is best for YOU and your little family.
I used to be in therapy also for some stuff that happened to me when I was young. I was in private and group therapies. I good thing about group therapy is that it makes you look at your own problems and say, "Holy cow, I'm glad I don't have her's." It's really a great reality check. Anyway, good luck and tell me how it goes. Love you!
Good luck, Kati!! Congrats on being able to recognize and make it known! You are certainly an example and inspiration to many of us!!!
Hey- Seeing what is available at the Law Firms in SL would be great. I would prefer not to have to work that far since we are going to be going to school at Weber, but I want to make sure I check out every option. Especially since I know from working at a Law Firm here that quite often they know of job positions available at other firms...even in different cities. So yes, that would be great! I am looking to working on the accounting and billing side more than the legal side.
P.S. Good luck on your therapy!
how did you create that picture that you can click on it and it takes you to your other blog?
yay for therapy!
I think it takes a strong and couragous person to admit that you need to talk to someone to make your life better so I applaud you. I know about things when you were younger and I am glad you are sorting that all out. I hope it works out for you and that you feel better about yourself you deserve to feel good in every aspect of your life. Love you and good luck hun!!!
So I wanted to know how things are going with the therapy....I realized the other day, I'm the same way only worse now that I have kids. We went camping last weekend and we drove past pineview and I started hyper-ventilating at the thought of my car going into the water and trying to save my kids. I realized it's not normal. I worry about everything now. Any advice...Please. Email me, Leilani3259@msn.com.
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