love them

I had another moment, you know, a motherhood is great moment. 

I was feeding Henry his bedtime bottle, and singing the latest chosen song I sing to him, My Own Story from My Turn On Earth. 

He finished his bottle a verse early, but I decided to finish the song anyway, so we just stared at each other while I sang. 

And the last few words to the song are" A wonderful story of sadness and glory was written by Jesus and Me."

And it hit me, Henry is writing his own story with our heavenly father. I have been here thinking this is my journey in motherhood, teaching him the gospel etc, but he is his own spirit, that needs to have his own relationship with Heavenly Father. Its as if I thought Henry knows about Heavenly Father THROUGH my relationship with him, but thats completely wrong. He knows Heavenly Father I am sure better than I do. He's amazing, his spirit is so strong and so present in our home. 

I was born to be his mom, and I feel like he is constantly teaching me how to be Charlie's mom, too. 

ah. I love my kids. 

They are who I am. 

my wish for you

Dear Henry-

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car..

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something yo u believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your father punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that he hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give him a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

its the simple things

Happiness lies in the simple moments of our lives.

Happiness for me today, was walking to my bedroom, and passing this along the way:

I love watching Jason take care of Henry.

Jason talks to Henry, and warns him of his moms obsessive need to document things, that may or may not include painting Henry's feet to get cute footprints.

He made a pact with Henry, to watch each others back in this regard.

I am still unaware of the details of this pact.

But its totally cute none the less.

Henry is 6 weeks, and completely adorable.

He has the CUTEST laugh.

He also has the CUTEST scream. lol seriously.

we call him: the little gremlin, tyke, little dude, H-Dawg and peanut.

I love my boys

I love the simple moments in life that bring such happiness

sweetest moment

Being a mom to a newborn is hard.

But there comes a moment, when you see that it is all worth it.

A moment, that just melts your heart.

That moment comes, when this little face is sound asleep snuggling with you, you are wondering if you can sneak him into his crib without him knowing, and then he wakes up, looks at you with his big blue eyes, looks at you for a second before going back to sleep, and you know, you can just tell, that he woke up real quick, just to make sure you were still there.

That moment is enough to make your heart skip a beat.

I hope I never forget that moment, and the love that was there.

Welcome Henry

Created with love, carried with hope, and welcomed with joy.

Henry David Powell has arrived.

He is absolutely perfect.

I am smittened with him.

I feel so blessed.

so loved.

so grateful.

so lucky.

so peaceful.

7 lbs 12 oz

21 inches long

scored a PERFECT 10 on the apgar scoring

I will work on his birth story tonight so I don't forget it, promise. :)

To be or not to be...

THAT WAS IT!!!!!

I came into this general conference knowing there was something specific I needed to hear. I accidentally fell asleep during saturday mornings session, I was afraid I had missed what I needed to hear, listened to Saturday afternoons, nothing spoke to me, listened Sunday morning thinking come on! where is my message!! speak to me! Then Sunday afternoons session was it!

To be or not to be.

Lynn Robbin's talk was it. It was EXACTLY what I have been searching for this entire pregnancy. I have been so worried at how to raise children, boys specifically, and his talk has settled all my concerns and fears. It makes my eyes water just thinking at how perfect his talk was.

The idea and thought behind the talk was there are things you do, and things you are. You can take your spouse on a date, and check it off the list cause its something you do, but you cant check being a good wife off your list, cause its something you have to BE. I loved how much he directed it to parenting, teaching children thats its not what you do, its why you do it. Praising children for WHY they have done good, instead of just praising the act of doing good. I seriously can not convey the message to you as well as he does, so seriously, when the Ensign comes out, or the the texts of the talks is released on thursday, read it. You will not regret and it applies to everything, not just parenting.

That was it.

That talk, was all I needed.

I am now 110% ready to have this child.

I feel honored, blessed, ready and so grateful for what is about to happen.

I really did need this conference, so I am grateful for the faith I have been able to have in the Lord's oh so perfect timing. I see now, why I needed to be patient, and I love when I get to see the reason for why something is the way it is.

I love this gospel.

I love my Heavenly Father.

I know, that everything is done in the Lord's timing, for a very very, good reason.

Enter the uncomfortable phase

So this last weekend I was on bedrest again, after some preterm labor contractions. I went to the hospital, they stopped them, I went home, on bedrest, Superbowl at home, end of story. :)

I am in my 33rd week of pregnancy, and am finally entering the 24/7 uncomfortable stage. My back is always aching(effing car accident), and the worst is the sleeping. I never knew sleeping could be so painful. I have to sleep on my side, sleeping on my back is too uncomfortable, but after an hour on one side, that hip, thigh, is KILLING me. It gets so sore and I have to flip over, no easy task itself, and then after an hour on that side its the same thing. And the soreness does not subside after an hours rest, so when I have to flip back over, it is still kind of painful.

This is my as of yesterday:

I feel like pictures just aren't showing my hugeness enough. sorry.

Well we are almost there. 7 weeks. It still seems like so much time. People say time just flies by, I don't agree really. I mean when I think about the day we found out we were pregnant, it seems like FOREVER ago, and the first dr's appointment, forever ago, the camping trip right after, forever ago. But I will say the time since finding out its a boy, seems like a blur. so from 16 to 33 weeks, it has flown by, but the whole pregnancy itself, has not. But its ok, I learned a lot, and grew a lot as a woman during that time, which I knew I needed to.

**mooshy moment**

I just have to brag about my husband, I just love him so much. He doesn't know what its like to be pregnant, but he really does try to understand. He tries to imagine having all this weight strapped to his neck, he has a bad neck, and how painful it would be. He always gets me my water at the end of the night to take meds with, he makes dinner when I just can't, he knows exactly how to cheer me up, and when I am needy and just want to spend the night alone with him instead of having friends over, he understands and stays in bed with me.

I had a friend over the other week who is going to lose a lot of weight, cause she will do awesome, I know. :) She was asking me questions and it came up that weight loss changes you, and it changes the way people see you as a person. I told her," weight loss changes the way people look at you, women look at you differently, men look at you more, and people look to you for advice, BUT it does not change the way your husband will look at you." Sounds weird at first right? When I lost a lot of weight I thought Jason would drool or whatever, but he didn't, he was just as attracted to me as he was before. At first I was confused, like hello! I am hotter now! But I realized its because he has always been insanely attracted to me, and there wasn't much room to be MORE attracted to me, because he already was as attracted to me as a person could be. I knew then how much what he says is true, that he doesn't care what I look like, hot or fat, he loves me the same. :) That is how sweet and perfect my husband is. :) and it has made this pregnancy so much easier.

P.S.

We have already decided our next boy will be named Charlie JAMES. So no one steal it!!! :P

Count your many blessings see what god has done.

Count your blessings is one of my favorite church songs. I read over it last week in sacrament meeting and I told myself to count my blessings sometime soon, in detail. So here I go.

I have THE BEST immediate family. They are hilarious, caring, outgoing and just plain perfect for me.

I have THE BEST in-law family. My MIL isn't crazy, my FIL is hilarious, and I inherited a couple hilarious brothers, which I have always wanted.

I am married to someone who adores me, daily. He constantly lifts me up, does wonderful things for me, and over 2 years ago that sweet man took me to the temple and promised me wonderful things before our sealing.

Everything material I owe to him, my beautiful home, my reliable car, the toys I have, the cats I enjoy, and everything in between.

My cats, lol, I just love them. They are sweet little family members that teach me a lot of loving and patience.

knowledge, of all kinds, my fitness knowledge, gospel knowledge, wordly knowledge and social knowledge. I am blessed to be able to learn things daily whenever I want.

my body, its amazing in all the things it can do, and I have been blessed with health.

my motivation, drive and determination to do whatever I want. Even when I have hard times and days, I never let it keep me down for long, and eventually I achieve whatever I want, from fitness, to home decorating, etc.

My will power, it has been a huge blessing in my life as I have needed to overcome different obstacles, usually on my own. Most of the time I have enough will power to not let my surroundings affect me, or negative people bring me to their level.

I have an amazing group of friends, that it has taken me a long time to learn how to develop those relationships into long lasting ones. Growing up in the army I moved every year, so I never needed to nurture friendships cause I knew it wouldn't last. So when I permanently moved here it was weird to need to do that.

The phrase I like most about this song is "see what God has done", because it wasn't at the front of my mind when thinking about my life, that God made it this way. Of course, Jason, my family and I played a part, but I owe everything and all my blessings to my Heavenly Father.

However your life is, whether good or bad, Heavenly Father made it that way, for a reason. There is something he wants you to learn, and he chose that path specifically for you, so try to find the reason. I think my reason is to teach my gratitude and charity. I have so much to be thankful for, that I need to be constantly thankful, and constantly trying to find a way to help others with it.

***Positive Pregnancy Post!!!!***

Shocking, I know, but I have a positive thought about pregnancy today that I need to write about while I can articulate it.

**warning, this post gets deep, with religious aspects**

I love my prego belly. MY BELLY. I am not talking about my huge thighs, chunky arms and fat face. I love my belly, though. Here is why.

Growing up you always think about having kids one day, and what they will be like, look like, etc. And as an LDS you know that they are there, somewhere, they already exist and you are ever so curious about them. They are out there. One day they will be with you, but for now they float around somewhere waiting for you. As I watched my belly today, moving, jiggling, pulsing, I realized how much I love that he is here, in me. Before pregnancy your children seem so distant, so far away, and now, he is RIGHT HERE. I can feel him, I can tease him, I know when he sleeps, I know when he moves, he is right here. Sure I wonder what he will look like, but for now, I take comfort in being close to him, having him, knowing exactly where he is, and that he is safe. I hope I have been able to convey to you the intensity of this thought, because it hit me today like a ton of bricks. Early in the pregnancy its not so apparent, little flutters aren't human like, you can't feel little feet, theres not much personality, so before 20 weeks it still didn't seem like my child was there, it was just some embryo dividing and multiplying into what would one day be my child. But now, I just can't say it enough, he is here, I can poke him!!! And I do...

The last couple months I have pondered how it works with their spirits. I have always been under the impression and thoughts that a babys spirit does not enter them until they are born. I had a miscarriage a month before this pregnancy, and to be honest it didn't have too much of an impact on me for this reason. Maybe its because by the time I found out I miscarried, I was already pregnant again, but I think its also because I really did used to think that its just body tissue, cells, etc. It wasn't a person yet, no spirit, nothing to cry over. But now, I question that way of thinking. Because if I lost Henry right now, I would be devastated. I would miss him. I have already thought about his life with us, and I would so deeply mourn and his spirit. We wouldn't use that name again. A lot of things are mysteries, and one day will be answered, but for now I remain curious. The church teaches(at least I think they do) that babies who are lost during pregnancy, the mom will raise them one day in the after life. I just can't wrap my head around that, as some moms have multiple miscarriages, are they really going to have that many kids one day? Does that mean I have a child up there waiting for me? Its all so complex and something I don't think anyone can answer with 100% certainty, but something I will always wonder.

I can say with all these thoughts, that I am beginning to realize the importance of this pregnancy, and am starting to look at it in a less selfish way. Throughout this whole pregnancy, when people ask me if I am excited for him to come, I always answer by saying I am excited, but not ready, I am just not ready for him to come, I need more time etc. I felt since the beginning, that I wasn't emotionally, spiritually ready for him to come, I knew it was time to be pregnant, but you know, you've been following, I've been worried about parenting and how I am going to do it, I was so overwhelmed because I didn't feel ready to be a mom, and I didn't know if I ever would. I can say now, in my 32nd week, I feel ready. Who knows how good I will be, I will make mistakes, but I feel like now I understand the gravity of the situation, and I feel prepared with resources to succeed for my child. Yes I am still frustrated about my body and I will still not like it, but one day, when I lose the weight, get to a body I love again, I will look at the imperfections that have come from pregnancy as battle wounds in bringing my child into a home of love.

geeze this is heavy stuff!!!

P.S.

The thing I hate about going private is my blog doesn't update on your scrolls or blogger, but, I have figured out a way around it, sort of. before I publish a post I will make it public, publish the post, then make it private again(no need for an invite everytime), and that post will show up in your blogger news feed. So if you want to know when I post, you need to ''officially" follow me, not just on a scroll. Its easy, just click FOLLOW next to the search box in the top left hand corner.

Marriage and Parenting

Everyone gives you their advice when you are pregnant.

its like you have it written on your face that you want it.

They tell you to get sleep, when to give him solids, what to do when he cries, your body will be unrecognizable yada yada yada.

I take it all with a grain a salt and a grin.

But, my side of the family went camping a while ago, and my cousin told me something that changed the way I thought, and I have thought about it at least once a week since then.

she said,

"Having a baby changes the way you thought your relationship with your man was."

I don't know why that struck me, it just did. Its probably because throughout the pregnancy I haven't worried about the little things like changing diapers, bottle temps, baths etc. I have been concerned with the emotional side of raising a child, and creating a family.

I've heard since my early years, that having a baby does not fix marriage problems, it actually makes them worse. So Jason and I made absolute sure that he and I were on solid ground, and had been for a while, before we decided to start a family. Marriage is hard, it takes work, getting used to, and commitment. I imagine being a parent together is no different. I am grateful that Jason and I waited so long before taking this next step. We can say for sure, going into it, that we are totally in sync, in love, in understanding of each other, and are on the same page. I adore the two years we spent just us, I can not imagine getting pregnant right out of the gate, or when someones marriage is rocky, I can only imagine it would make it that much harder. I am grateful for the advice I received, it has made me more aware of what might change and how to keep things amazing, without this advice I wouldn't have even thought about it, and I think when you are aware of things and can learn before you need to, things are much better.
I know in Utah everyone is just so super excited to get married and have kids, but I will never teach my children that mindset. I, personally, think its ridiculous. People need to be ready, REALLY ready. Not just financially ready, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting, there is everything right with it.

oh how I love him even more

Jason, you continually give me reasons to add to this list

Jason I loved you because-

because you kiss me like you mean it.

because you always find ways to make me feel special.

you never get tired of my need for your attention.

you are always proud to be seen with me.

you keep all my secrets.

when I am irritable, you are always forgiving.

you know what I meant to say, even if I didn't say it.

when I want to talk, you listen.

when I don't want to talk, you're patient.

it is important to you, that I am happy.

you give yourself to me.

you are just as crazy about me as I am about you.

you have never looked back at what came before me.

you kiss me when you think I am sleeping.

when I reach for you, you move closer.

you show me grace at every turn.

you help me to understand myself.

you try to seduce me when you think no one is watching.

you see the best in me.

I feel safe with you.

you have never asked me to prove myself.

you find me irresistible.

you know how to say difficult things without hurting me.

you chase me around the house.

you support me as I keep changing my mind about when to start a family.

when you realize I am cold, you always find some way to warm me up.

you try to sing all the words to our song.

you are proud of my accomplishments.

Without you, my life would be less than what it has become.

Jason I love you MORE now because-

You let me sleep with the ceiling fan on

you scratch my back almost every night

you know ALL my favorite things

you fit in with my family

you are just like my dad

you understand how my mind works, even when I don't

you know just how to look at me to make me smile

your patient when I am emotional

your relentless support for me eating healthy

the silly things that make you laugh

you never tell me no

you try everything I cook, even if it smells bad

you are so good with our Sunbeams, you'll be the best dad

you put up with my crazy need to plan things that are 20 years away

you work so hard to make sure I am happy

no matter how fat I feel, you make me feel pretty

you think its funny when Henry annoys me

there is nothing you wouldn't give me

Feeling ready.

So far in this pregnancy I haven't felt ready for baby to come yet. I just haven't felt like I was completely prepared, and not that you ever can be, but as much as I could be.

I now feel ready for him to come.

I don't have everything figured out.

His nursery isn't done.

the house isn't baby proofed.

I have no idea what diapers to buy.

I don't know how I will even touch the umbilical cord belly button. (gross)

I am scared spitless of bathing him.

I haven't finished reading all my books.

But I feel ready.

I feel comforted in knowing what my role will be, and I feel a sense of confidence in knowing that I will know what to do, or who to turn to if I don't. I can't explain it, although I am sure all you mothers out there know the feeling, I just feel an overwhelming peace about it.

I have about 15 weeks left until he comes. (cause he better come early) ;).

Its funny how full circle pregnancy goes. In the beginning I could not wait to get in the double digit weeks, and now I can't wait to get into the single digits for weeks left.

Pregnancy for the last month at least has been easy, aside from having some sort of cold bug, and the ever annoying back problems that is. I don't feel tired, sick, etc.

gratitude

Funny thing about the holidays. I know Thanksgiving is the time to be grateful and what not, but I seem to be filled with more gratitude during the Christmas season. Maybe its because of all the worldly hype going on, and seeing how little or hard others have it. So allow me to post a sappy post all about the things I am grateful for.

I am so grateful for my husband. I believe everyones spouse is the best spouse, for that person. Jason is no doubt the man that was meant for me, in every way. There is not a single minute I am with him that I am tired of him, or would rather be alone. He does sooo much for me, and does it naturally. I am grateful for how hard Jason has worked, literally since he was in Jr. High, to provide a nice lifestyle for his family. He got the best grades in jr, high, and high school, to get into the best college in the state, got the best grades there, to get the best job anyone can have. I am so lucky to have him. He knows exactly how to make me laugh, and knows exactly when I need it. Its so wonderful how our completely different personalities just work together, and compliment each other. He makes me a better person.

I am ever so grateful for my family. Growing up I gave my family a really hard time. I was a wild child, and a rebellious teen, but yet my family has been so amazing to me. They have truly become my best friends. My sisters are so amazing, and really my role models. My older sister and I have always had our differences, but with her being pregnant now, I think its going to help us bond and get closer. And my parents, words can not express the gratitude I have for my parents. They are so amazing, wonderful, inspiring and everything else. I honestly can say I do not know where I would be were it not for the support of my parents.

I love my house. I am so grateful for the house we have, and that we can afford to live in a house we want, in an area we want, without it being stressful on us. I am grateful that we can make it our home, a place where our children will grow up some and remember fondly.

I have so much appreciation for my body. Its been a challenge, this pregnancy, but through it I have learned to listen deeper to my body, and to appreciate its ability to create life. Sure, Jason's swimmers played a part in the initial creation, but it is MY body that is creating this life, this person, and I am truly grateful for the ability to do it. I will never take it for granted.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!! I love all of my friends, and I love the way we came to be friends. I love the old friends, and the new friends. I love that there were people in high school who I just knew of, that have now become sweet dear friends via Facebook or Blogs. I love it. I love that I have so many people that I can talk to about different things, and so many that are so thoughtful and caring. Seriously, thank you to all my friends, and if your reading this, it means you. :)

I oh so looove my calling. Its not the most fun sometimes, and its annoying that I have to be there every sunday or get a sub(which is impossible), but it is so worth it when I get to be with my Sunbeams and hear the adorable things they say. When we got the calling we told the bishop we didn't think there was anything we could learn from it, cause come on, its Sunbeams, but boy were we wrong. We may not learn deep doctrine, or living the gospel, but the things the kids teach are things we could only learn in Sunbeams. We get a new batch of Sunbeams in January, and I am super sad. I hope the current kids will always say hi to me. :)

I am grateful for the gospel, and all it has done in my life. It is so forgiving, and so comforting, that I really don't know how people can fall away from it for too long. I love my Savior, and hope I make him proud.

I am eternally grateful for my child. He already has such personality, and I love being apart of this process. Being a newlywed a woman becomes baby hungry, but let me tell you, I can not wait for the toddler stage. Jason and I are both just so excited to get this little person out and start interacting with him and becoming a family. I hope he always knows how much we love him.

2 years ago today, I made one of the best decisions on my life.

to marry my best friend.

2 years ago today, at this time, Jason took me by the hand and led me into the sealing room in the salt lake temple where we would be sealed.

Everything after that point went by fast, and was joyful.

(minus those dang florist messing up my flowers. grrr)

1 year and 364 days ago, Jason and I started our married life together, and it has been absolutely perfect every minute.

Jason and I know each other so well, and communicate with each other in harmony.

Jason and I had no idea what life had in store for us on that day.

1 year ago, today, Jason and I celebrated our first anniversary.

Having been married for 1 year, we could tell you at that point, we had never been happier.

the first year is a lot of learning and growing, and Jason and I learned to grow together.

Sitting at the top of a ferris wheel in San Diego, we also had no idea what the next year would bring.

Here we are, 2 wonderful years later, and I can tell you that we truly have never been happier.

Our 2nd year of marriage brought:

Our favorite Ward, Sugarhouse ward

lots of house hunting

buying our first home!

decorating our first home.

adopting our first kitten.

adopting our second kitten.

dinner parties.

family parties.

being healthier than we have ever been.

lots of new recipes.

dream jobs.

paying off our first car.

and of course, the news of our first child.

We were married at 10:20 am, October 18, 2008.

at 10:20 am, October 18, 2010, we are finding out the gender of our first child.

I really can't think of a more perfect time.

Sitting here, 2 years later, we can tell you that we have no idea what the next year as in store, but can not wait for it to begin.

the worst and best week ever.

This week/weekend has been the longest I can remember.

Jason woke up with kidney stones on Friday morning, and the pains did not go away until Wednesday.

Tuesday night at 12:32 am, Jason woke me to ask to go to the ER.

I of course took him.

an hour before, I took some sleeping pills, since I have trouble sleeping with pregnancy.

So the whole time I was so so so tired.

I know obviously, poor Jason has it worse, but it just ended the ordeal with a dramatic realization of how bad the last 5 days had been.

I, as I am sure he, was emotionally, physically drained.

At one point at the ER, somewhere around 2:15 am, I just broke down in tears with the stress, and heartache that I had been feeling for my husband the whole week.

to top it off, I saw a Physical Therapist on Monday, who confirmed that I had a herniated disc, and an injured SI joint, causing extreme pain in my lower back. This all from the car accident. to top off that, there is absolutely nothing anyone can or will do, until I have the baby. No MRI's, no XRays, meaning no treatment or cure, other than weekly physical therapy.

oh this week has been horrid.

BUT.

at 3:17 am Wednesday morning, after Jason and I had arrived home from the ER, I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in my bed, with my husband. It wasn't that I was so tired and I wanted to sleep, or even that my body was already shutting down on the way up the stairs, but I wanted to retreat, relax, and rest with my husband. I wanted to be with him, and just be near him. I know this seems weird that I would put so much focus on that so obvious desire, of course people want to go to sleep with their spouse, but it just put the whole week into perspective. It didn't matter how bad the week was, it didn't matter how much sleep I lost, it just mattered that I was with Jason.

Wednesday, after a final dose of medication, Jason felt better. I went to work like I had been doing all week, and expected him to rest, maybe work from home, and sleep.

I came home, and just say by him until he was ready to leave to eat dinner. I usually go change, get a drink, but I didn't for some reason.

We left, ate dinner, wound down, and drove home.

Even when we got home I went straight to the couch ready to watch survivor.

around 7 pm I finally went upstairs where I realized, my sweet husband had cleaned the whole house, and had done the laundry.

oh, I could not have been more excited, or felt more loved.

Jason knows how much I love a clean house, how happy I feel, and also how hards its been for me to keep up with it, and work, and be pregnant.

he also revealed his secret plan to install a ceiling fan in our downstairs living room, that gets really hot.

My husband is truly wonderful.

They were sincere, thoughtful and much needed tokens of love, that costs little to nothing.

This week for me, just solidified (not that I needed it) how much I adore, love, admire and need Jason.

I am not sure I deserve him, but so grateful I have him.

Thank you, Jason, for making this the best worst week ever.

I love my husband

I love my husband.

I love everything about him, even the quirky things.

I have noticed that a lot of couples, especially younger couples like us, spend a lot of time away from their spouse, when they don't have to. The husband hangs out with the guys a lot, and the wife has frequent girls night, or goes shopping with friends etc.

I love my friends, and I love my hobbies, but I love my husband more, and would rather spend a quiet night in with him, or going on a date, than a girls night every week.

Jason and I love our time together, and try every way possible to spend as much time a day as possible together.

Jason and I often joke that we have turned into old folks, since we don't go out every night anymore, or do things we used to do pre-marriage, but the truth is we wouldn't have it any other way. We have fun, every time we are together, from waking up in the morning, to going to bed laughing at night.

I feel sad for couples who spend their time together arguing, or worrying about worldly or trivial things. I wish they could experience the joys of marriage the way it was meant.

We are learning though, to do things as a couple with other couples, and that has been fun. Remember from here where I wanted to plan a dinner party, well that has been planned and put into motion. I am so excited about it and that everyone can come. Be sure to expect it to have its own post. :)

Jason

Jason-

I love you because you kiss me like you mean it.

because you always find ways to make me feel special.

you never get tired of my need for your attention.

you are always proud to be seen with me.

you keep all my secrets.

when I am irritable, you are always forgiving.

you know what I meant to say, even if I didn't say it.

when I want to talk, you listen.

when I don't want to talk, you're patient.

it is important to you, that I am happy.

you give yourself to me.

you are just as crazy about me as I am about you.

you have never looked back at what came before me.

you kiss me when you think I am sleeping.

when I reach for you, you move closer.

you show me grace at every turn.

you help me to understand myself.

you try to seduce me when you think no one is watching.

you see the best in me.

I feel safe with you.

you have never asked me to prove myself.

you find me irresistible.

you know how to say difficult things without hurting me.

you chase me around the house.

you support me as I keep changing my mind about when to start a family.

when you realize I am cold, you always find some way to warm me up.

you try to sing all the words to our song.

you are proud of my accomplishments.

Without you, my life would be less than what it has become.

gosh, I really love my husband.

I am so excited to create a home with you, Jason.

I can't wait for what this year has in store for us.

Blessings.

In the short amount of time I feel I have been a grown up I have learned so much the blessings I have in my life. I have so many things to be grateful for I don't know why it takes maturing to understand the wonders of my life. my parents put up with so much as I was growing into myself. although throughout most of my life they never understood me or my actions, they were always there to show their love and support. they were always there to help me, and they still are. I know my parents love each other and that gives me a great sense of future. It gives me something to look forward to in getting older. It gives me a sense of security in knowing they did something right all these years. I was so fortunate as a child to be able to travel the world they way I did. I went to Panama, Germany and many of the US states. my parents always told me I was lucky and that I should remember as much of it as possible but it wasn't until now that I realized how most people don't really leave Utah. perhaps one of the luckiest things in my life are my sisters. growing up I didn't get along with most of them, its impossible for my family to understand where I was coming from when I was young but as I have grown up I have realized its up to me to make relationships work. I cant rely on others adapting to my way of life, its me who must change if I am to be close to my family. I wouldn't trade my sisters for anything. they are the best, and I love them. My friends are such amazing and beautiful people. Bequi has been the most supportive friend I have ever had. growing up in the army it became hard for me to know how to KEEP friends, I always moved away. But having someone like Bequi as a friend has made it really easy to remain good friends. she encompasses everything it means to be a best friend. She is always there for me, even if I did something totally stupid. I love her to death and I know we will be old ladies knitting oven mitts one day laughing over my stupid blonde stories. Ami Curtis is such an amazing beacon of light and spirit. she is an amazingly strong woman. she understands her value as a daughter of god and she helps others realize theirs. her passion to help others makes her such a special friend. one I will love forever. Kourtney will always occupy a place in my heart, for without her, I would be lost. Kourtney and her testimony is what kept me active in the church at such a hard time in my life. It was her caring nature that reached out to me and it was through her that I felt my saviors love so strong. I love her! Shana, oh shana. Such a thoughtful and caring friend, she is the most non-judgmental person I know. all she really wants to do is help you feel the saviors love for you and she will stop at nothing to help you get there. Allison! sweet little allison. she deserves the absolute best and I am so happy to see she has finally found someone who I know treats her like a queen. she is a strong person, and is an amazing friend. Last of all, and most certainly the most important is my Husband. Jason is the only person who has truely understood me. who has seen me for who I am, and loves me unconditionally. Jason is my reason for being. My partner in life, he is there for me through everything I go through. I know we haven't been married for long but I cant help but think life would have been so much easier if I had him from the beginning. don't know how that would be possible but oh well. Jason worries about me, cares for me, laughs with me, cries with me, acts like a dork with me and there isn't a single person who would ever compare to the man that Jason is. Oh how I love him. its amazing to me, I look back to when we first got engaged and I cant even believe how much my love for him has grown. I love him so much deeper then I thought. My love for him consumes every part of my being. I have loved every single minute since being married, even the hard ones. without hardships and trials, you cant understand Joy. eternity with Jason is pure Joy. In my life all I need is love, understanding and acceptance. Jason floods me with everything I need. He is amazing and I love him so so so much.

Some Pictures of people!

This are all my best friends!!

My new brothers!

My sisters!

and My parents!