Henry's big announcement

Henry has an announcement to make.

Can you tell what it is?

How about now?

Ooooook, what about this?

Yep. Thats right.

Better believe it.

Baby Powell #2 is on its way.

Henry's Birth Story

The beginning:

April 6th I had a drs appointment where he stripped my membranes. I went home with constant cramping, knowing that was going to be normal for having my membranes stripped. Later around 8 pm, I started having more intense cramping during the regular cramping. I wasn't convinced I was in labor, because I didnt want to cry wolf, or thinking something big of something little. So I took some tylenol pm, and fell asleep fast. Around 3 am I woke up with frequent cramps. I layed in bed, and was really confused. People say you will know when you are in labor, and I didn't know if I was or not. After timing them, they were every 10ish minutes, I woke up Jason around 4. It went like this:

Me: Jason lets go

Jason: go where?

Me: to the hospital.

Jason: Are you serious?

lol this conversation is funny because a couple weeks before I told him I knew exactly what he was going to say when I told him it was time, "Are you serious?" lol I know my cute hubby too well.

So we got up, got ready, packed the hospital bag, fed the kitties and left. It was so surreal and weird to be driving to the hospital thinking this is the last time we will drive somewhere as a family of two. I wasn't in too much pain, so it was a pleasant fun drive, we talked, laughed, breathed through contractions, it was nice. When we got to the hospital I was dilated to a 4 and contractions were every 5-7 minutes. They had me walk around labor and delivery to further progress me, which dilated me to a 5. At this point I opted for the epidural and oh my word, that is the weirdest thing ever. It feels sooo strange. After I got my epidural, my family came. My parents and my little sister. It was so nice to have them there, and I knew it would be. They were good company and entertainment to pass the time.

around 9 am they checked me and I was at a 7+.pretty much every time they came to check me I had dilated a whole nother centimeter. Around 2pm we started pushing. I pushed for about 45 minutes before his head was in the right spot, then we had to wait for my Dr. to get there. When he got there it was a matter of maybe 10 minutes before Henry arrived. I remember Henry coming out, I remember feeling it, like something being sucked out. I immediately started crying.

I will tell you, giving birth is the most spiritual thing I have ever done. I have never felt the spirit so strong before. I truly felt like Heavenly Fathers presence was there, and that the moment Henry came out, Heavenly Father was handing him to me. I felt comforted, like Heavenly Father was whispering to me that he trusts me with this precious little one.

Anyway, he came out, they cleaned him up, weighed him yada yada. The Dr. was stitching me up, I did not tear at all on the outside, a lot on the inside apparently but my Dr. said inside tears heal way faster. He said my recovery time will be about 2 weeks instead of the normal 6, so I am pleased with that.

Details aside, my labor with Henry was perfect. From the moment I went into labor, Jason and I were enjoying each others company, he was supportive and helpful, the hospital staff was fantastic, my wonderful family came to keep me company and laughing, my wonderful Dr. came in on his day off to deliver Henry, Henry is perfect. There was no dramatic screaming or yelling, I did squeeze Jason's hands quite hard before the epidural came, but its all part of the experience right? ;)

Henry's first night was quite fun, it was full of learning and firsts. It was soooo weird to be woken up by Henry crying, like hey! thats my son crying! weeeeeird. Jason got to stay the night on an actually pretty comfy sofa bed, there was nothing sofa about it, it was pretty much a twin bed. I was still in a good amount of pain from the swelling, so I only slept about 2 hours. The rest of the time I snuggled with the little man, which is so worth losing sleep. We sent him to the nursery about 4 am though, and got him back around 7 am.

The second day was pretty rough for me, Henry did perfectly. I did not tear externally at all, but I tore a lot internally, which caused a lot of swollen pain that ran my day instead of Henry. luckily I have the worlds best husband who took care of Henry's every need when I couldn't. To this minute(a day ago) I have not changed a diaper. Jason is such a wonderful dad. I am still having some recovery problems, I don't want to take away from the blessful story of Henry's birth though so I won't go into details, but I had to come home with some hospital equipment to take care of myself because of some issues I had in recovery. Everything will be fine. :)

Alright, now for some tidbits of thoughts since.

I do not miss having Henry inside me, having him outside me is so much sweeter

Henry is the most chill baby ever, he doesn't cry, he is awake A LOT and is so snuggly

I love snuggly Henry

Jason has become a pro at swaddling Henry

my family adores him, its the first grandchild

Henry looks like me the most, which is weird to me

He loves having his picture taken

all the nurses love Henry and think he is so handsome

we took like 6 baby blankets, 8 binkies and a weekends worth of formula from the hospital

delivery(with an epidural) is a piece of cake,$ its the RECOVERY that is a real b*&$h

I am addicted to Henry

Grandma and Grandpa Odekirk sure do love being the grandparents, they take advantage greatly of giving Henry back when he pees on them. ;)

I will post more later, but for all you impatient folks, theres how it all went down.

Welcome Henry

Created with love, carried with hope, and welcomed with joy.

Henry David Powell has arrived.

He is absolutely perfect.

I am smittened with him.

I feel so blessed.

so loved.

so grateful.

so lucky.

so peaceful.

7 lbs 12 oz

21 inches long

scored a PERFECT 10 on the apgar scoring

I will work on his birth story tonight so I don't forget it, promise. :)

It has come, and will probably be gone.

Happy due date to me.

Happy due date to me.

Happy due date dear Kati,

Happy due date to me.

**SIGH**

To be or not to be...

THAT WAS IT!!!!!

I came into this general conference knowing there was something specific I needed to hear. I accidentally fell asleep during saturday mornings session, I was afraid I had missed what I needed to hear, listened to Saturday afternoons, nothing spoke to me, listened Sunday morning thinking come on! where is my message!! speak to me! Then Sunday afternoons session was it!

To be or not to be.

Lynn Robbin's talk was it. It was EXACTLY what I have been searching for this entire pregnancy. I have been so worried at how to raise children, boys specifically, and his talk has settled all my concerns and fears. It makes my eyes water just thinking at how perfect his talk was.

The idea and thought behind the talk was there are things you do, and things you are. You can take your spouse on a date, and check it off the list cause its something you do, but you cant check being a good wife off your list, cause its something you have to BE. I loved how much he directed it to parenting, teaching children thats its not what you do, its why you do it. Praising children for WHY they have done good, instead of just praising the act of doing good. I seriously can not convey the message to you as well as he does, so seriously, when the Ensign comes out, or the the texts of the talks is released on thursday, read it. You will not regret and it applies to everything, not just parenting.

That was it.

That talk, was all I needed.

I am now 110% ready to have this child.

I feel honored, blessed, ready and so grateful for what is about to happen.

I really did need this conference, so I am grateful for the faith I have been able to have in the Lord's oh so perfect timing. I see now, why I needed to be patient, and I love when I get to see the reason for why something is the way it is.

I love this gospel.

I love my Heavenly Father.

I know, that everything is done in the Lord's timing, for a very very, good reason.

40th week.

Well I am in my 40th week and still no baby.

**sigh**

I kinda had a tiny hope he would come early but I am not feeling like it will happen. Thats ok, though, when he is ready to start his life, he will come. :) Each appointment I keep dilating a little bit more, so I know I am progressing.

I will admit, there is an emotion I was not prepared for. I did not think I would have such a hard time not being in control of the situation, but I am. Its so hard and nerve wracking to not be able to plan a few days even one day ahead, because I don't know when baby will come. Its frustrating that I can't put off doing the dishes, because I don't want to come home from the hospital to dirty dishes. I hate not being in control, and I didn't know I was that kind of a person. So I have tried my best to control the things I can, which is mostly cleaning my house or decorating. lol. My shower got a huge deep scrub, which is needed, the whole house is clean, floors and all, and I am trying my hardest to keep it that way. I KNOW I want to come home from the hospital to a clean house, so I keep reminding myself of that.

If you will remember from here, I had a feeling the baby wouldn't come before General Conference, and truthfully, as impatient as I am, I am ok with that. I remember having that specific thought enter my mind, that I needed one more, so I can't wait to listen and try and figure out what exactly I needed to get from it.

I keep talking to my Dr. about inducing, and I really need to ponder that this weekend because all along I have not wanted to induce, I want him to come on his own. I think I keep talking about being induced because its something I can control, which I need to get over.

So thats pretty much it. I haven't had any new symptoms, and the pain has actually gotten less, its just really hard to move around and do things.

Not too much longer though!!!

Frames frames frames

Ok, I have decided to go with what all of you told me you liked, the grey paint color, First Frost.

(did I mention if it looks terrible everyone who voted for it is responsible to come help me repaint?) :)

The repainting will happen sometime in May, when Jason goes to London for two weeks. :(

This re-do is so far really fun for me, because I am not in a hurry, I can take my time, think things out, plan attention to detail, do things right, etc.

The current project I am working on is the wall of pictures in the front room.

See below:

This is how it looks so far. Here is the problem. When I had this wall planned out in my mind, it was NOT going to be symmetric. It was going to be all different shapes and sizes of frames, placed randomly and not so perfect. But, I just happened to find 8 frames that were the exact same at DI, that CAME with the perfect mats, and I couldn't help but get them, which made doing a random pattern very hard. Besides what is already on the wall, I have 6 more of the 8x10's, and I have 4 other frames that are identical to each other that I could mix in there, but they don't have mats. I love the mats.

Its frustrating. So this is what my living room currently looks at, its a mess. But I am SOOO excited for it to be painted. oh I cant wait.

POST EDIT

I played with it more today, here is what it currently looks like.

*Pregnancy update*

I know I said I was done talking about the pregnancy, since there is nothing new, but there is a tiny new tid bit. I have decided I am not going to have my Dr. strip my membranes. This last week I have worked on accepting God's will, and his timing, so I am not going to push things, until Henry is a week late. I have been patient for 273 days, I can wait 21 more.

Its kinda funny how full circle pregnancy(at least mine) has come. At the very beginning I was grateful, patient, connected, and thinking about it in a spiritual way knowing that it was God's plan however it happened. Then in the middle I was irritated, frustrated, uncomfortable, annoyed, impatient, and all other emotions. Now I have come back around to the first set. Its way more peaceful this way. :)

OH, and pick A B or C. :)

38 weeks

"The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them."

that is the thought for the week that is currently driving my thoughts and focus for the week.

Henry is estimated to already be 8 lbs. I really hope he doesn't get bigger! :)

Patience is a virtue

"Patience doesn't mean you just wait around. Patience is to keep working while trusting in the Lord's timing."

my little sister is on her mission in Florida and her message to us for this week was about patience. I am SURE she knew I was getting impatient about delivering, so it was directed at me, but it was for sure something that struck me as inspirational right now. I really have just been waiting around, and even more, trying to push the Lord's timing.

I am getting impatient, but I know that everything is done in the Lord's timing. It doesn't matter how much it makes sense to me for the baby to come now, or how everything points to him coming soon, if its not the Lord's will, there is no changing that. Further more, I wouldn't want to change it. I know his timing is the way it is, because that is for the best.

The other part of the thought was to continue working while trusting in the Lord's timing. If I do say so myself, I have done fabulous at getting ready for the baby to come. My house is nearly ready, his nursery is totally ready, and I have been working hard to make sure everything is ready. There is still more I can do, so that is what I will do, while I trust in the timing. No more bouncing on yoga balls, eating spicy food, swinging on swings or labor inducing massages. It really is a waste of time when you realize you aren't in control no matter how much you want to be.

I KNEW when I got pregnant that my biggest obstacle was going to be my patience, because I have NONE. I knew it was something I desperately wanted to learn, especially in becoming a parent, you have to be patient. So while I lost sight of it the last couple weeks, I am going to refocus my energy on enjoying the small moments, and absorbing all I can about what it means to be patient. Again, if I do say so myself, through the majority of the pregnancy I have been pretty good about being patient, and having my cats has definitely taught me some patience.

I am grateful for these moments when I am brought back to spiritual reality about what is truly important. :)

Until next time!

list progress and pregnancy

remember from this post, my 23 day organizing productivity plan?

Well let me tell you how its going.

I am on day 9, and have completed 4 of the tasks....

I have completed the major laundry pile we had, which, was huge.

organizing the cords.

organizing the TV stand, which is now so empty it needs some decor.

and I have cleaned the baseboards I really wanted to clean, like the bathroom. ew.

I have not purged all my clothes, for 2 reasons. 1. my husband doesn't want me to. He and I differ greatly in this area, my philosophy, if you havent worn it in a year, throw it away. His is, if you have the space for it, keep it. I am still going to do the purge, I just have to be careful I don't throw away something I will want to rebuy in a week and have to hear him say I told you so. 2. A lot of what I need to purge is garments, and as you probably know thats a task in and of itself. Anyone wanna come have a garment bonfire with me?!

I have not cleaned the kitty litter room, because I need to get a face mask to wear to do that. I know its easy peasy to get one, I just haven't.

I have not organized the fabric, because I need to go to a comic book store and get a supply I need to complete this project. Its going to be the bomb dot come when its done so be patient.

I have not finished the crib set, because I am too nervous I am going to mess it up. :( I loooove the blanket, so much, and it took 8 hours of hard work, and I would be devastated if I ruined it while trying to put the back and batting together. So, I don't know how to get past that lol.

I have not made the carseat cover, because I need to get the back fabric first. Again, I know its easy peasy to do, but again I just haven't.

Tomorrow my task is to reorganize the kitchen. I need to talk to my hubby about it tonight, get a game plan, and do it tomorrow. It must be done for the baby to come. First, there needs to be a baby cupboard and drawer, for bottles, bibs, etc. second, I need to rethink where we have things, the sharp knives are within childs reach, but maybe I just need to get a baby proof lock on it. third, I have cereal in 3 different places, and a whole cupboard that is not even being used. So its not very efficient.

The next day is clean all the ceiling fans, which I am soooo excited for.

Although the execution of this plan hasn't been perfect, its done what it was intended for. It makes me feel productive, and keeps me busy each day.

Its not time for a baby post, but I am doing one anyway due to new developments, and I wasn't really in the mood to in the last one. :)

This is the baby's last position, and ironically its his exact position. He is sideways so when he stretches we can feel his bum on my right side lol.

I think the baby's head is engaging. There is different levels of engaged, but I really think his head is down there good. When I roll over at night I swear I can feel my pelvic bones knocking his head.

I have noticed, while doing the tasks from my list, that the longer I am up and on my feet, the more things feel like something is happening. Tightening happens a LOT more, recently I have started getting lower cramps, and at the end of the day, the pelvic pressure is insane.

I am swollen and puffy, and I finally feel more pregnant than fat. I still feel like I am larger in certain areas than I should be, but when I see pictures of myself now I see a pregnant swollen person, which is a huge step lol.

And like full circle the nausea and tiredness from trimester one is back. I don't mind it though because it keeps me from eating awful. ;) The tiredness I think is more due to lack of good quality sleep at night. My hips ache at night, and my pelvic floor muscles scream in agony anytime I roll over, so I wake up about every hour or so to turn over in the least amount of pain. I seem to get better sleep after the night is over, and I go sleep downstairs on the couch while watching the morning news. eh. I will take it.

Interactions with Henry have made this last bit of pregnancy much better. Its so fun to see him move, feel him move and make him move lol. If we press our finger into where his feet are, he will kick it. Its so cute to be apart of both interactions, when Jason plays with him I see how excited Jason is, but then I FEEL Henry's reaction to him and its the sweetest thing to experience. My sister thinks its totally gross that we can tell where his bum is, or feet, and gets all sickened out when I point it out to her.

9 months is a long time. It really is sooo long. Its almost a year. I mean I am pregnant for 40 weeks out of 52 in a year. I know its coming soon, but it just feels so weird and I can't picture it. I can't picture a baby in the carseat, or in the nursery, I can't picture the midnight feedings, or loading him into the car. It makes me nervous that I can't picture any of it, like maybe I am not supposed to because something will go wrong? :( I am paranoid, and this is probably the scariest part. There are so many things that could go wrong during labor, and then when he is born there are so many things I could have done wrong during pregnancy that we will find out about. UGH! Its scary stuff. I constantly ask Jason for blessings and I tell him specifically what I need him to say lol " I need you to say I bless Henry that he won't have bulging eyes that leak yellow fluid."( I had a weird dream like that). He never obeys me, but the blessings are still comforting. ;)

Well, only time will tell! hopefully I only have a couple more of pregnancy posts to do. ;)

36th week of pregnancy

I have no "prego pics" for you for week 35, maybe tomorrow. But I do have a few sneak peaks of my maternity session pictures.

They were done by Ellie Culter Photography and I think she did amaaaazing. This is the first time I have gotten pictures back and said YES! Thats what I wanted!! Even if I am disgusted with my appearance, she nailed the photography and editing on the head. She chose the perfect secret little location that has yet to become popular so I feel super special to be one of the first to do pictures there. So really, I highly recommend her. She is great to work with, super friendly and nice, and the photography is fabulous. Her turn around time was fantastic, too. :)

So here are the sneak peaks, she is putting the CD in the mail tomorrow so hopefully I will have all the rest this week for ya.

Well my 35th week has come and gone, meaning 2-5 means left. Thats kind of a wide range if ya ask me, but better than being 10 weeks pregnant!

The pregnancy has gotten more painful the bigger he gets. We didn't go to church today cause I could hardly get out of bed without wincing in pain let alone sitting on a hard chair for 3 hours. It really depends on what position he is in, how full my bladder is, how hard he is pressing down, how close to my back he is, etc. Its hour by hour. some hours are fantastic, and some I spend crying. oh the joys of pregnancy right?

Everytime I do one of these posts I feel like I am forgetting something, and then 2 days later I have a list of like 5 things I forgot. :) My Dr. appointments are every week starting Monday, that makes me feel like we are really in the home stretch.

Anyway, until next time folks!

35th week of pregnancy

I am in my 35th week of pregnancy. oh my goodness it feels like I have been pregnant FOREVER.

Baby is this big:

uncomfortableness- let me try and explain this to you in the best way possible, cause I never understood it before being pregnant. and example of being uncomfortable is bending forward. When you are sitting up, and you go to bend forward, not only is there a basketball in your way, but the babys extremities move in uncomfortable ways. For me, his legs go into my ribs.

The other day in the middle of a store, my pelvic floor muscles started hurting, like soreness as if I had worked them out hard. It progressively got worse, I had a few errands to still run, and by my last errand I could barely walk. I was limping, huddled over, holding my back. I was having Braxton Hicks contractions like crazy, and it was getting to the point of hurting. I went home, we had dinner, and I stayed in bed for the rest of the night. It felt so much better as long as I wasn't moving so I didn't think it was labor, and the next day after sleeping on a heating pad it felt twice as better. But boy, was it painful. Its been off and on like that ever since.

Movement- Like I explained before, movement now actually feels like a human is in me, instead of a fish. I can actually feel his feet now! At least I am pretty sure it is his feet, and at the top of my stomach, when he stretches I can feel his bum. :)

Nesting- I thought the nesting bug had left me sometime around 22 weeks, but the other day it hit me again, like a ton of bricks. I was just laying in bed, like I do everyday, moving my legs in the slightest while in bed makes my pelvic floor muscles scream in pain, but it was just bothering me that my kitchen wasn't clean. So I thought I would get up and at least do the dishes. Well, if you don't already know this about me, let me tell you, if I am cleaning, I clean, all the way, there is no just do the dishes, just wipe off the counter. So I ended up doing more than I should, but I have a sparkly lemon fresh kitchen! :D

On the painting front- I went to lowes with 2 gallons of our original yellow paint that we still had left, we clearly over bought the first time. I asked them to lighten it to a different shade, and he explained all these different reasons why it may not lighten, he tried, and lightened it by a shade and that was all they could do. So, it is going to be tricky, but I have to get a big bucket, dump both gallons in there, and mix actual white paint into it, instead of white tint. Normally I would never ever attempt this, because if you run out of the paint, it is absolutely impossible to match for more, BUT, the 2 biggest walls are already yellow, so they won't need as many coats, and the 2 blue walls are small. So 2.5 gallons of paint I think will end up being way more than enough. to do that room originally it took 1.5 gallons total.

Can I just say I love blogging? I think there are 2 types of blogging for most people, 1. update blogging- where your blog is just to update people on family, birthdays, etc. 2. social blogging, where you update people on your family, sure, but you use it as a sounding board for your thoughts, ideas, problems, and use it as a social tool with friends you might not otherwise talk to. I obviously consider myself in the second category, and for those of you in the first, thats totally fine, I love those too. I just love that when I have thoughts or questions, I can blog and get honest reliable feedback from people whose opinions I value.

And now that my blog is private, I like knowing I could vent about certain people knowing they can't read it. buwahahaha!

34th week and redecorating.

There is non-pregnancy stuff at the bottom. ;)

we are almost there people!!!

It seems like the last 10 weeks of pregnancy are as different as the first 10 were.

I would blog about every week the first 10 cause things were changing so fast and so much, and the last 10 has proved to be no different.

Back pain- I have had back pain every since the accident, but I am not feeling the typical back of the last trimester. It feel likes my lower spine is being pulled toward my front with 100 lbs and it hurts. By the end of the day I feel like a 90 year old lady.

Swollen- I laugh at this one because my dr will ask me if I am getting swollen anywhere, and I chuckle as I tell him I don't know the difference between fat and swollen. So yes, I am swollen everywhere, haha. But I have noticed my feet and hands are "Swollen" so I can say yes. I can't wear my wedding ring anymore, and the other day I had a frustrating situation where someone thought I was pregnant and not married and giving my baby up etc. So Jason came home one day, told me to get in the car, we drove to a Jeweler, and he told me we were going to pick out a new "wedding" ring that I was going to be able to wear through out my pregnancy. :) He really is perfect. We got this set:

Cervix discomfort- Baby has dropped pretty low, and I can feel the pressure of him on my cervix, it feels like he is going to fall out. If only it were that easy right? The dr said its totally fine for him to drop now, so its nothing to worry about, it just means he is getting ready for labor, I am totally ok with that.

Tiredness- The tiredness is definitely back. Jason laughs that I take two naps a day, but on days that I don't, like Sunday, I am ready to go to bed by 7:30. Its really tiring making a baby! I sleep 14-15 hours a day, including naps.

Sleeping troubles- I have talked about the sleeping troubles before, but this time its different. The thing keeping me up, THE BABY!! You know how in the middle of the night sometimes you wake up barely, for just a second, and then fall right back to sleep? Well when I do that, I become aware of him moving and its hard to fall back to sleep lol.

I have a lot of issues/symptoms with pregnancy, but I am SO lucky that I don't have to work during or after my pregnancy, so I can relax and rest at home with these issues, rather than working. I am truly blessed to have a husband that has a career that allows me to do that.

In other news:

Jason's work is going to be sending him to London soon, we don't know the exact date, or for how long, probably at least a week, maybe two, and most likely in May. I realize I will have the baby, but my mom is going to play a key part in watching him while I....repaint the house! haha. I was going to keep it a secret and just surprise Jason when he got home, but I can't keep secrets, especially with paint samples all over the house. I know, I just painted when we moved in, but things like this take trial and error. I loooove the colors I painted the walls, but I just don't think they work well together, and Jason doesn't like them, and when we try to sell the house it for sure will have to be repainted. So I decided to just do it now. I want a color that will open and brighten up the space, and be very relaxing. so I have chosen:

A really really light pale blue. This picture makes the wall color I think seem more blue, because of all the blue accents, but either way, the paint sample I have chosen is a really light pale breezy blue. Blues and Grays are the new neutral, so it should work out great. Jason will like it because its not too over the top, and its a very relaxing color. The accents will still be red and yellow, and I am going for this look:

Well probably not because the only similar color is the yellow and wall color, lol, but I looove this picture.

So this is the picture that inspired my color pallet in the first place:

I just love the way these colors look together. So, I am going to get pretty close to these colors, but a little more subtle. We still have 2 gallons of the yellow from when we first painted, and I am going to take those to lowes and have them lighten it A LOT to get close to this paint color, and paint the down stairs living room all this light light yellow, add some red drapes, some light blue accents and be done.

Then its the upstairs floor that is getting painted all light blue, bringing back the white drapes, added a few light yellow and red accents and be done. :)

This execution will go much better than the first I suspect, and I will have at least a week to do it so I won't feel rushed or anything, and some of my friends are going to help. :)

I suspect the whole project will cost around 100-150$.

The paint, I am hoping to only need 2 gallons of the blue, 60$.

Paint supplies, 15$.

frames and accents from DI and Savers, 20$.

Fabric and supplies for some new pillows, 30$.

Misc unforseen expenses, 25$.

I am hoping to come in under budget on the last three items, but plan for the worst, hope for the best. All in all it should be a simple redo, with drastic results. I just want my house to have a lighter more relaxing feel. You feel me? thoughts? comments? concerns? opinions? advice? suggestions?

Enter the uncomfortable phase

So this last weekend I was on bedrest again, after some preterm labor contractions. I went to the hospital, they stopped them, I went home, on bedrest, Superbowl at home, end of story. :)

I am in my 33rd week of pregnancy, and am finally entering the 24/7 uncomfortable stage. My back is always aching(effing car accident), and the worst is the sleeping. I never knew sleeping could be so painful. I have to sleep on my side, sleeping on my back is too uncomfortable, but after an hour on one side, that hip, thigh, is KILLING me. It gets so sore and I have to flip over, no easy task itself, and then after an hour on that side its the same thing. And the soreness does not subside after an hours rest, so when I have to flip back over, it is still kind of painful.

This is my as of yesterday:

I feel like pictures just aren't showing my hugeness enough. sorry.

Well we are almost there. 7 weeks. It still seems like so much time. People say time just flies by, I don't agree really. I mean when I think about the day we found out we were pregnant, it seems like FOREVER ago, and the first dr's appointment, forever ago, the camping trip right after, forever ago. But I will say the time since finding out its a boy, seems like a blur. so from 16 to 33 weeks, it has flown by, but the whole pregnancy itself, has not. But its ok, I learned a lot, and grew a lot as a woman during that time, which I knew I needed to.

**mooshy moment**

I just have to brag about my husband, I just love him so much. He doesn't know what its like to be pregnant, but he really does try to understand. He tries to imagine having all this weight strapped to his neck, he has a bad neck, and how painful it would be. He always gets me my water at the end of the night to take meds with, he makes dinner when I just can't, he knows exactly how to cheer me up, and when I am needy and just want to spend the night alone with him instead of having friends over, he understands and stays in bed with me.

I had a friend over the other week who is going to lose a lot of weight, cause she will do awesome, I know. :) She was asking me questions and it came up that weight loss changes you, and it changes the way people see you as a person. I told her," weight loss changes the way people look at you, women look at you differently, men look at you more, and people look to you for advice, BUT it does not change the way your husband will look at you." Sounds weird at first right? When I lost a lot of weight I thought Jason would drool or whatever, but he didn't, he was just as attracted to me as he was before. At first I was confused, like hello! I am hotter now! But I realized its because he has always been insanely attracted to me, and there wasn't much room to be MORE attracted to me, because he already was as attracted to me as a person could be. I knew then how much what he says is true, that he doesn't care what I look like, hot or fat, he loves me the same. :) That is how sweet and perfect my husband is. :) and it has made this pregnancy so much easier.

P.S.

We have already decided our next boy will be named Charlie JAMES. So no one steal it!!! :P

***Positive Pregnancy Post!!!!***

Shocking, I know, but I have a positive thought about pregnancy today that I need to write about while I can articulate it.

**warning, this post gets deep, with religious aspects**

I love my prego belly. MY BELLY. I am not talking about my huge thighs, chunky arms and fat face. I love my belly, though. Here is why.

Growing up you always think about having kids one day, and what they will be like, look like, etc. And as an LDS you know that they are there, somewhere, they already exist and you are ever so curious about them. They are out there. One day they will be with you, but for now they float around somewhere waiting for you. As I watched my belly today, moving, jiggling, pulsing, I realized how much I love that he is here, in me. Before pregnancy your children seem so distant, so far away, and now, he is RIGHT HERE. I can feel him, I can tease him, I know when he sleeps, I know when he moves, he is right here. Sure I wonder what he will look like, but for now, I take comfort in being close to him, having him, knowing exactly where he is, and that he is safe. I hope I have been able to convey to you the intensity of this thought, because it hit me today like a ton of bricks. Early in the pregnancy its not so apparent, little flutters aren't human like, you can't feel little feet, theres not much personality, so before 20 weeks it still didn't seem like my child was there, it was just some embryo dividing and multiplying into what would one day be my child. But now, I just can't say it enough, he is here, I can poke him!!! And I do...

The last couple months I have pondered how it works with their spirits. I have always been under the impression and thoughts that a babys spirit does not enter them until they are born. I had a miscarriage a month before this pregnancy, and to be honest it didn't have too much of an impact on me for this reason. Maybe its because by the time I found out I miscarried, I was already pregnant again, but I think its also because I really did used to think that its just body tissue, cells, etc. It wasn't a person yet, no spirit, nothing to cry over. But now, I question that way of thinking. Because if I lost Henry right now, I would be devastated. I would miss him. I have already thought about his life with us, and I would so deeply mourn and his spirit. We wouldn't use that name again. A lot of things are mysteries, and one day will be answered, but for now I remain curious. The church teaches(at least I think they do) that babies who are lost during pregnancy, the mom will raise them one day in the after life. I just can't wrap my head around that, as some moms have multiple miscarriages, are they really going to have that many kids one day? Does that mean I have a child up there waiting for me? Its all so complex and something I don't think anyone can answer with 100% certainty, but something I will always wonder.

I can say with all these thoughts, that I am beginning to realize the importance of this pregnancy, and am starting to look at it in a less selfish way. Throughout this whole pregnancy, when people ask me if I am excited for him to come, I always answer by saying I am excited, but not ready, I am just not ready for him to come, I need more time etc. I felt since the beginning, that I wasn't emotionally, spiritually ready for him to come, I knew it was time to be pregnant, but you know, you've been following, I've been worried about parenting and how I am going to do it, I was so overwhelmed because I didn't feel ready to be a mom, and I didn't know if I ever would. I can say now, in my 32nd week, I feel ready. Who knows how good I will be, I will make mistakes, but I feel like now I understand the gravity of the situation, and I feel prepared with resources to succeed for my child. Yes I am still frustrated about my body and I will still not like it, but one day, when I lose the weight, get to a body I love again, I will look at the imperfections that have come from pregnancy as battle wounds in bringing my child into a home of love.

geeze this is heavy stuff!!!

P.S.

The thing I hate about going private is my blog doesn't update on your scrolls or blogger, but, I have figured out a way around it, sort of. before I publish a post I will make it public, publish the post, then make it private again(no need for an invite everytime), and that post will show up in your blogger news feed. So if you want to know when I post, you need to ''officially" follow me, not just on a scroll. Its easy, just click FOLLOW next to the search box in the top left hand corner.

32nd week of pregnancy

mommy is this big.

baby is this big.

Things are going good, the nursery is done, everything is purchased, washed, hung, and ready. The house is ready for Henry. :) Exactly what I wanted. I wanted everything ready by Feb 15th, so I am way pleased that it was finished by January.

The tiredness from the first trimester has crept back into my life, making me regret that I didn't take advantage of my energy in my second trimester. Its ok though, lucky for me I have nothing to do during the days really so I can rest and nap as needed.

**Vent time**

There is one thing I hope I never hear again, and when I do hear it I usually stop listening 2 seconds later:

"just wait"

What is everyones problem in that they can't let you enjoy the moment? You say you feel well rested and they say: Just wait until the baby comes and keeps you up all night.

You say you like your in laws and they say: oh just wait until the baby comes and they get annoying.

You say your marriage is fantastic and they say: just wait until the baby comes and it all changes.

You say you can't wait to get back into the gym and they say: just wait until the baby comes, you wont want to.

You say you can't wait for baby to come and they say: just wait until he does, you will wish you had more time.

Can we just eliminate that phrase from our vocab? I know people say it and tell you those things to I guess try and be helpful, but its rude. Its just plain rude. Its like they are bitter with how their experience was, or how they chose to parent, that they just want to bring you down in the few moments of contentment you have during your pregnancy. Its like they think you are going to say: Oh, my gosh, you are so right, I should just stop being pregnant right now and change my mind. ??????? So please, if you find yourself giving a prego advice, AT LEAST don't start with the phrase "just wait" because trust me, she stops listening.

ok, I feel better now. :)

**Vent time over**

What else, I, unfortunately, am one of those women who during pregnancy get larger EVERYWHERE, and not just my belly, giving the illusion that my belly isnt very big. Allow me to go into detail (as if you could stop me). When I lost 53 lbs(exact number ;)) I guess the memory of the weight still remained, so when I started gaining weight during pregnancy, my body dispersed that weight into the places it knew weight used to be. Make sense? So basically I am back to my weight and size that I was 3 years ago, plus a beer belly. At first I was really depressed about it, and upset, but then I realize I am lucky. I know EXACTLY how to lose the weight, my stomach isnt being all stretched out, no stretch marks on my stomach, etc. So while I hate the size I am now, I know its totally doable to get back down to my tiny self.

the other part about getting ready that I didn't really think about was clothes for Henry. I know babies don't need much, but they need some. We got a lot from friends, family, showers, etc. But there were still some holes in his wardrobe. He needed PJ's, shorts, and some church clothes, so I was SUPER excited to go get them, and shockingly found some waaay cute stuff. Henry now has a great supply of plaid shorts like his dad, basketball shorts and warm up pants, and a sweet argyle vest for church. I also bought his blessing outfit, he better not be too big for it when he comes out! To be honest I haven't ever really liked baby boy blessing outfits, and I dislike how useless they are after the blessing, so I got him a more practical outfit that I just think is pimp(yes I just said pimp). see below:

I think its just freaking awesome. :) Its a newborn size, cause I figured that makes sense, but I need to hurry and decide if I should exchange it for a 0-3 size, I mean, it depends on when he will be blessed, how much he will weigh, etc. But by the time he is born they will probably be out so I should get on that.

The thing about being pregnant at this point, is I have been pregnant for so long, that I forgot what its like to not be pregnant, and it feels like the countdown will never end. It will be surreal and weird when I actually do go into labor and have this little guy, right now that day seems soooo far away.

64 days!

funny and breastfeeding

Want a funny update about my pregnancy?

Well I don't care, you are going to get it anyway.

Boobs. haha. yeeeeah.

I knew they got bigger, and I was totally prepared, but I didn't realize HOW they get bigger. I just figure I go up a size or two. I figure they just stick out further. I did not know, they your whole frontside becomes belly, and boob. I have boob in my armpit, I have boob on my collar bone, and I have boob all the way down to when my belly starts. Its madness! there is boob everywhere!!! I realized how funny this was when I was bathing the other day, and I had to LIFT my boobs off my belly to wash under them! ahha!!

a few of you asked me why I don't plan on breastfeeding for very long, only a month.

I will tell you, and I best not get no judgmental comments or I will busta cap.... (said in a gansta voice...)

:D

Ok. Well first I think its gross. I want to be a mom, but I have never had that desire to be THAT close to a person. I only prefer one person to get that close to my boobs, and he is 25. I realize it may change blah blah blah, but for now I think its gross.

second, its true that babies that are breastfed sleep less. Before you send me all your comments saying,"my baby sleeps great and I breastfeed!" I understand there are some where this isn't the case, but the studies prove it, breastfed babies sleep for shorter periods of time, and they usually don't sleep through the night. Sorry, I am selfish, I need to sleep through the night eventually.

third, yes, I understand breastmilk is BETTER for baby, but that doesn't mean formula isn't great for baby also. Breastmilk is ONLY better for baby, depending on moms diet. If mom is eating bad stuff, baby eats bad stuff. Sure there are nutrients your body is creating that they get, but I don't feel that outweighs the lack of basic nutrition he may not get should I have a bad food day. Formula is made specifically for babies, people. Its got great nutrients, its very filling, and I don't mind formula poop. poop is poop.

fourth, I want NOTHING to do with pumping. NOTHING. If you aren't feeding baby, you are pumping for baby and I am sorry, but I just won't be strapped to my house because of my choice method for feeding.

fifth, since I am not pumping, I want Jason to be able to feed and bond with him. There is all this hype about mother child bonding, but I want Jason to bond, too, especially since he won't spend nearly as much time with baby as I will. we will breastfeed and do formula from the beginning, but breastfeeding will end after a month.

sixth, the only reason I am breastfeeding for even a month, is the weight loss benefits. Call me selfish, but its my only interest.

seventh, people have been going without breastmilk for generations, adopted kids, babies who were allergic to moms milk, babies whose moms milk never came in, it hurt too much, etc. Studies say that only 56% of babies are actually breastfed. so really it doesnt seem life or death to me.

eighth, I know its easier to breastfeed, milk is there, perfect temp, etc., but I am ok with preparing a bottle and putting a little effort into it. and I am sooo uncomfortable with people breastfeeding in public, and so I want nothing to do with it.

ninth, I plan on working out as soon as possible, hard core, and that doesn't support a healthy supply of breastmilk, so I am assuming I will lose my milk around 1-2 months anyway.

tenth, my sisters and I were only breastfed for 1 month, and none of Jason's siblings including Jason were breastfed, and I think we turned out all right.

Kapeesh?

One of my friends is having her baby, right now. It makes me a little ansy to have mine, not in the sense that I want to go into labor right now, but I want to be prepared to go into labor right now. I am currently typing up a hospital plan, I am dying to pack a hospital bag, and put the carseat in the car. lol Its pathetic.

Need your advice on one or all!

I need baby advice! well, getting ready for baby, baby advice.

Jason and I went out this weekend and got EVERYTHING else we think we need(minus some furniture) and I tried putting it all away tonight, but it just made me so overwhelmed at everything I don't know.

for starters...

We got these bottles. We didn't look at any reviews, we didn't take any polls, we just went to the store, looked at them all, read why the boxes said they were the best, and picked what we thought was the best.

Question 1. We only bought 3. We figured we shouldn't buy a whole stock pile until we know what bottles he likes or we like, good or no? Getting home I realized 3 bottles, is not a lot. I plan on only breastfeeding for 1 month max, and formula feeding occasionally from the beginning anyway, and 3 bottles, I mean we might be constantly washing these 3 bottles over and over and then what if we lose one?! So how many do you think we should start with?

question 2. While I was getting these bottles out of the box, I noticed the top unscrews, but so does the bottom! What in the world is the point of that? Is there something I am supposed to know here?

We got a ton of onsies. I noticed while putting them away according to size, that some sizes weren't running the same. 0-3's looked like 12 m, 12 m looked like new born etc. How do you know which ones will fit your baby without going by size, is the only way to just try it on him and see?

Pacifiers, same deal as the bottles sort of. I know we will want lots of these, so slowly over the many grocery trips to walmart I plan on picking a pack of 2 each time, but then I thought what if he doesn't like them?! We got the soothie kind pictured above, which 90% of people seem to use, so I figured its a good chance Henry will like them, but I don't know. bad idea to stock up?

We got this diaper bag set. I love it, its unisex so we can use it with a girl yada yada, but why in the world do I need a mini diaper bag? Help me out here, at first I thought well for when you leave him with grandma, but then I thought whats its the big bag, that I wouldn't want grandma to have access to also? Then I thought well maybe you keep one in each car, but then I thought about the stuff that you would then have to get two of, and what if he has a favorite blankie etc. So tell me, what do I need a second little diaper bag for? church?

We DID NOT purchase a bumbo. lol. I will if someone can give me 5 solid reasons for it. I just don't see the point, can't you just put him on a blanket on the floor just as easy as squeezing them into a plastic contraption? I know everyone has one, and they are all the rage, but I think this fad too shall pass, no?

Burp clothes. We got a few of these from people, which I appreciate and will use, but do I need more, or do you just end up using a towel or a bib? It seems like there are several baby products that are for the same thing, so do you really need each kind?

Crib set. I will be making it, so it goes with the nursery, my question is what all do I need or want? I am fine using a bumper, I think the pros outweigh the cons and we have a ceiling fan in the nursery. Does he need a pillow of sorts? do you put animals in there? What about a mobile? We don't have one, are they really that useful for baby to fall asleep?

Car seat covers. I plan on making one, or two, I have the front fabric picked out, but tell me the purpose before I pick out the back fabric. Is it so the baby can sleep, and therefore should be dark, or so germs stay away from the baby and warmth, therefore it doesn't matter what the inside color is?

Diapers, we got a ton of diapers from people too. Is this the same thing, you should see what you like before you stock up, or can I just go to costco and stock up? and how long do they stay in the smallest size? not very long right?

I just have this need to be ready as much as I can be. I don't want to get Henry home from the hospital and be in a flurry to get things we need or forgot, ya know? I want to make the first day home as peaceful and family oriented as possible, not about going to the store 30 times. Before you comment, I know I know, the first day home will probably be anything but peaceful, but I want it to be about Henry, not about products.