How will you parent?

Henry is to the point now, that we need to develop our parenting habits.
What kind of parents we will be.
what our discipline strategies will be.
One thing I know for sure, you won't know until you get there.
but for now, here is what I want.

I don't want to yell, or even be stern.
We only said the word NO, when its dangerous.
I do not want my kids to always be hearing the word no, and especially in a stern voice.
So when Henry needs to be told a non dangerous no, we phrase it differently. "Henry thats mommys toy." "Henry we have to be soft with the cats." "Hands are not for hitting, hitting hurts." I want to EXPLAIN life to my child, not just say no all the time.

I picked up a book long before Henry was born called "Calm down time" by Elizabeth Verdick.(Google it cause blogger isnt letting me post pics or hyperlinks). This book teaches children, in a child way, that their feelings are normal, but that they need to learn to calm themselves down. I think its incredibly harmful to just put a child in time out everytime they are naughty or angry, it tells them that those emotions are bad and they will be punished. It teaches that kids should have a calm down place, maybe a bean bag chair with a blanket, or just somewhere cozy, by themselves where you and the child can read the book and teach them about their feelings.

Now I know this method with probably be harder to do than just throwing the kid in time out, but I think in the long run it will be better for OUR family.

So there ya go. Thats all I have got so far and I am sure as I need to put it it in to practice that things will change and develop. I know that. But this is where I am starting.

General Conference

As we prepare for General Conference I was reflecting on the last session of General Conference, and I remembered how much I loved one of the talks.

This one.

If you have a minute you should go read it, rather listen to it, it can get a little confusing with his wording.

" as a parent, when can I check a child off my list as done? We are never done being good parents. And to be good parents, one of the most important things we can teach our children is how to be more like the Savior."

There are a lot of passages from it that I like, but its more powerful if they are in context. I loved this talk because its one of the few that I felt actually told you how to parent, instead of giving guidelines, ideas, feelings, etc. I felt so much more prepared to have my first child after hearing this talk, and Henry came 3 days later. :)

Happy Conference everyone.

Am I normal?

I am nervous.

to be a mom.

I explained this to my husband on our anniversary, but those feelings still linger.

The details:

Growing up LDS I knew from early on that I was meant to be a mom, I knew I wanted to be a mom. It wasn't until I got married that I realized what being a mom meant. I realized its a job. Not only is it a job, it is the most important job I will ever do in my life. Its a little perplexing that the most important job there is, does not have more training! I feel so unprepared. I know how much I learned, researched, studied and was trained to be able to be a Personal Trainer, and how important is that?! Yet to be a mom, anyone can do it, its encouraged, its popular, yet I feel like I am being thrown into an ocean of other moms who know what they are doing, and are expecting me to keep up the pace. Its so nerve wracking to me. Sometimes I wonder if I take being a parent too seriously, but its not that I am taking it too seriously in a overbearing sort of way, like not letting my kids play outside or things like that, its more the pressure I am putting on myself to perform and be the mom I know I can be, and want to be. Did anyone else feel this way before their first baby, or am I just too hard on myself?

The other obstacle I face, besides myself, is my husband. Obviously that needs explaining. For me, I approach parenthood with the idea of what I want my children and my family to be like in 20 years, and I go back from there. Jason on the other hand takes the approach of we will deal with things as they come up. I think both are suitable ways of handling things, its just hard for my OCD-must-plan-things-out mind to not plan things out more. Of course I know you can't plan everything, things will change, different kids have different needs, but I feel a blue print is necessary.

So I ask you, is this normal?

Girls AND boys. And Oprah

I am having a boy.

duh. :)

now, when I found out I was having a boy there was actually a certain sigh of relief. A relief that I wasn't having a girl that I had to teach modesty, values, and how to avoid the wrong kind of guy.

Then today, I realized something.

I posted a status on Facebook about how girls dress at Halloween, about how they do it because boys give them attention.

The whole I kept thinking I am glad I am not having a girl right now that I have to worry about that with. Then I realized I am having a boy.

There is still a huge responsibility to teach Henry, and all my future sons, that they shouldn't expect certain things from girls, that they shouldn't be attracted to it, and they shouldn't support it.

If every single guy, came out and said how disgusting it was for girls to degrade themselves by dressing immodestly, don't you think all the girls would suddenly have a change of wardrobe?

I have a huge responsibility to teach my sons how to treat a woman, how to think about them, and how to honor them.

Thats pretty intense if you ask me, since I am not a boy! I have no idea how they think, but being a stay at home mom, I will be the first line of defense for them.

Sure Jason is their dad, and will be there to give them guidance and teach them, but not as much as I will.

and thats huge.

****************************************************************

Speaking of modest...Random side street here.

I looove my religion. love it to pieces and think it is perfect.

BUT.

There are time when I wish, I wish I wish, I could wear something like this:

I mean look at it!

To me it screams classy, elegant with a side of pazaz.

and personally, for me, I see nothing wrong with this. Its not even off the shoulder, its just a wide neckline, LONG sleeves, and a skirt to the knees. I think this could be consider worldly modest, but obviously, not LDS modest. Which is fine, I will survive this life, without this dress.

I know, its thinking like this that gives people an excuse which turns into reasons which turns into halloween costumes as listed above. I just looove this dress. :)

I know the church has to draw the line somewhere and if you give a little here, people will take a mile, and maybe one day in heaven I can wear whatever I want, a place where tasteful wide necklines are marveled at.

But until then I have dreams of this sinfully white dress, and others like it.

Really. I have dreams that Oprah mails me this dress, in my size, tailored to my height, equipped with a dazzling belt and must have accessories. Then I frolic about in it until Jason gets home and just can't resist taking me to some fancy restaurant.

Am I wrong?

Is this dress too provocative?

Do I have my wires crossed?

sigh. maybe I am the very person I criticized for their Halloween costumes. :(