I won't be that mom

I sat here in bed thinking there was something I needed to do. Then it clicked. I felt an obligation to blog about the milestones my children are making. Document each little thing they do. Eloquently describe their every manor-ism down to the way they sneeze.

Then I realized, I don't want to.
I don't blog to document, I blog to express.

Sure. Some people use blogs as a journal, and that is fine and dandy. But when I am 80 years old looking back on my blog/journal, I am not going to care one bit about what age my babies learned to crawl. Where they slept at night. If the slept through the night. what size diapers they are in. If they liked their car seat or not. All of that means nothing. I want to remember the feelings. The emotions. I want to laugh the laughs, and smile the smiles all over again. I want to take their baby blankets to my nose, sniff a beautiful baby scent and remember their giggles because I was there and heard it, not because I wrote down a description of it.

I don't want to be that mom that is too busy trying to make things perfect, write every little "memory" down, preparing all sorts of new smart games to play, because to be honest, Henry likes it when I just get down on the ground and poke his belly button. He is simple like that.

I don't want to miss experiencing their childhood, because I am too busy documenting it. Just because you are present in your child life, doesn't mean you are involved.

Just know that my boys are the cutest boys I have ever seen, thriving in life, loving each other, and having a ball in this adventure we share. So even though its the "norm" to document the milestones of your children on your blog, I no longer will.

Because to be honest, I am too busy. I am too busy, being a mom. I am too busy being the mom that is soaking it up, instead of writing it down.

Its Char Char time

This, is Charlie. Also know as Char Char. He is almost 7 months old. 

He is the SWEETEST baby there is. He is rarely upset, and smiles at everyone. He will melt your heart. 

He is such a binkie baby, and I love it. It's so much easier to do everything, with him taking a binkie. He's upset in the car? put a binkie in. He woke up? put a binkie in. Henry hit him on the head? put a binkie in! 

He's a camera ham. I wonder why....

He has such beautiful blue eyes. I have no idea where they came from, but I adore them. I get lost in them. 

He puts up with Dad and Henry putting hats on him. Such a trooper. 

He is itchin to get mobile. He walks all over the place in his walker. And come on, is that not the cutest church outfit for a baby you have ever seen?!

He is HUGE. 97% for height 73% for weight and 100% for head. He is in 12 month clothes easy. 

He has no teeth yet! Its weird to me. I expected some by now. On his own time. 

 He is the perfect mellow addition to our high energy family. He provides the peace and calmness we need. He is a big piece of the Powell puzzle, and I am glad we got him. 

Its all about Henry

This is the Henry. He is just shy of 2 years old. Let me tell you about him. 

It really doesn't get much cuter, and more fun than this toddler, right here. I love being able to photograph my children as they are. How I want to remember them. Henry LOVES his blankie. It really is a staple in his life. 

He never really like binkies, but he sucks on his two fingers. I think its sweet, and I don't care to make him stop. I think he will give it up when he is ready, and thats ok. 

He has no pants on in some of the pictures because it was morning, and he wet right through his diaper in the middle of the night, like he frequently does, so most mornings he is pantsless. This kid has wicked fast kidneys, I tell ya. 

He is the healthiest eater of the fam. Always wanting fruit, lean proteins, and plenty of Vitamin C. He also has been known to build a mean lego tower. 

He is quite the little climber. He keeps me going ALL.DAY.LONG.

He still sleeps in a crib, and thats OK, too. Why rock the boat? he loves it. He actually likes to go to bed these days. I think he realizes how nice sleep is, and that he needs it. He will grab his blankie, climb up the stairs, into his room, turn off the light and say,"BYE!" 

This is his favorite book. Its a little Einsteins book. He points and knows what everything is, even if we've never said it before. 

Its my favorite age thus far. He knows who Jesus is, or as he says,"jeeeez"

This little guy steals my heart every single day, and I love it. 

cell phones 101

I saw this on my FB feed and it is hands down exactly everything I have thought about my sons having a phone one day, and I am so glad someone put it into words. I will be printing it out and making it into a contract the day my boys get a phone. 


I am always worried about how technology is desensitizing people, and more importantly children. Kids aren't growing up with the social skills they used to, and I think parents need to play a much larger role in entertaining their children, than cell phones do. I admit, I am totally guilty of buying Henry a new toy and thinking to myself,"This is great! this will keep him busy for a while." and thats ok sometimes, sometimes we need a break, but we need to be more involved.  



Greg Hoffman is a kid who just got an iPhone from his parents. His mom, Janell Hoffman, wrote these [slightly edited] rules for its use:

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8-9. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
10. No porn.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

You still there?

HI!!!!

It has been FOREVER!! a lot has happened that has gotten in the way of my personally blogging. Allow me to explain. 

1. My photography got SUPER busy in the fall. I had about 3-4 sessions A WEEK. It was pure madness and took its toll on me, my family and my momma(who graciously watched my kids every time). So it forced me to reevaluate my business plan and schedule. 2013 will be the year of a strict schedule with it. Before I was so excited to be booking so many sessions,  that I just couldn't say no to anyone. The problem is people didn't realize I was so busy, so they would contact me a week before they wanted a session, and it was creating madness. So for this next year I am only booking a max of 2 sessions during the week, and 1 on Saturday's unless I have a wedding that week, then its less. My business goal for this year is to break into weddings. I haven't tried until now, because doing someones Wedding photography, to me, is the most important part of their wedding and its not something I felt comfortable "experimenting" on. I wanted to know the total in's and out's of my equipment, style, and editing before I agreed to do a wedding. I did my first one a few weeks ago, and I have another one in a month and I am pretty excited. I think I did well and will do ever better each time. I am doing a Bridal Fair in April to see how people respond and hopefully book more. So A LOT is going on with Kati Ann Photography. 

2. My friends and I started a blog, The Undone Blog, its about what motherhood is really like and not what most mommy blogs make it seem. We posted pictures of our regular outfits, cute and ugly, and talked about the good and the bad. Unfortunately with everything going on with my photography, having 2 kids, a hubby and a house, I just couldn't spread myself thin enough to keep doing it. But YOU should still check it out and go follow them, they are wonderful ladies and the blog is really fun. 

3. THE BOYS! Oh the boys. They are so tiring and so much fun. Charlie has been such a fresh delightful addition to our family. Henry adores him and Charlie can't get enough of Henry. Its so funny how different they are, Charlie is the easiest baby, so sweet and chill. Henry is still so active, outgoing, full of life and personality. He certainly keeps me on the go all day. He is still a little slow to speech, but lately the only word he wants to say is "ca' for car. EVERYTHING is a car. lol. 

4. Jason and I went on a great, much needed, anniversary trip in October. We stayed at the Homestead resort in Midway and swam in the crater there. 

It was sooo cool. We said we are definitely planning to take the kids there in a couple years when they will think its fun and not scary. Its a warm spring, goes 60 ft deep and you can actually take a quick scuba course and scuba dive on your own! We didn't do that this time, but plan to next time. It was fun to just float around together though. 

5. Jason officially switched positions at work, and as far as I can tell is really enjoying it. He works at a new building downtown, and has an awesome window seat lol. He went to New York last month for a week, and got a lot accomplished in the way of networking with the others he works with. Henry missed him a lot, but was thrilled to have him back so it was kind of worth it. 

6. The house. oye ve. I swear I never know what I want to do with it. We have started repainting the house a neutral grey color, taking forever, and I like it, but with Pinterest now I just have so many plans for the house that I am afraid its gonna have to wait until we buy another house and I can just totally start over. I did finish the basement into Jason's man cave while he was in new york, and I do love that room. I think with Pinterest and seeing all the different styles and designs that I have kinda figured out what my own style finally is, and not just trying to do whats currently cool. 

Thats our updates! Now that the holidays are over, I have prioritized things differently, I will be blogging a lot more than I have lately. Its important to me to have this blog, so my kids one day can read it and see what their mom was like as an individual, and not just a mom. 

:)

so stay tuned.

But tell me, who is still here and who is still blogging? Is it a lost art?
 

To him

I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough world, and he, like everyone else, is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner." 
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I needed this today. 

Jason, I love you, and am grateful for you beyond words and actions. 

grossy grossness

Sooooo my friends and I are starting the coolest mommy blog, EVER. One of the types of post we are doing require us all to take pictures of ourselves a couple times a week. 

WOW. 

There is NOTHING that can motivate you to lose weight more than see a picture of yourself, head to toe, that often. So hopefully this will be a good thing and kick me into REAL gear. I have been losing a pound or two a week, but now, now I mean business. 

Because gross. 

I look gross. 

You will see, when we make the blog go public. 

Henry words

more Henry words!!

"a-see"  Reesie  (our cat)

"di-dee"  kitty

"lee" Charlie

"babee"  baby

he shakes his head for yes and no, and does A LOT of pointing

cut short

I have a minute to blog! Ah!!

life here is pretty great. I am in love with all of my boys, and each day I am amazed at how much my love for them grows. I think I have the hang of this mom of two thing but there are some things about it I have realized. 

my main concern is the boys and their happiness. That means that MY happiness is on the back burner, and by that I mean the house. lol. I adore a clean house that smells like fresh linens. I miss the days where I only had to sweep once a week. The TV room carpet, I am positive is lined with goldfish. But for my sanity sake, Henry gets his snacks and treats down there because its too much to get them both upstairs and do it properly in the kitchen. Today I learned to be ok with it. This is my life right now. This is the chapter I am in. In a few years when they are older it will be a different story, and 10 years from now hopefully my house can stay cleaner longer, but ya gotta live in the present. 

I didnt think I had patience. With Henry I feel constantly impatient, cause he and I are learning these new stages together so it feels like that. But now that I am repeating stages with Charlie, I realize I am SO much more patient than I used to be. My blood pressure doesnt sky rocket when he starts crying in the car, and I dont worry constantly that I am doing something wrong. 

I am so excited for them to grow up. I know I keep saying that, and its not that I dont love them now and their sweet spirits, but I know it just gets more fun from here. Especially this week since everyone was sending their kids off to school. I am so excited to pick Henry up everyday from school and hear what he has to say. I am also excited and nervous about teaching him to be a good person. I am firmly against corporal punishment, BUT, there is one instance where I will not hesitate to bend them over my knee, and thats if I find out they are being some sort of a bully. 

ugh. Charlie is up. 

gotta go. 

I am totally one of those now

Henry is started to talk more and more, so I FINALLY get to be one of those parents that post all the cute things their kids say. 

Because really, I do think those are my favorite blog posts ever. I just love seeing all the different and unique ways that kids say the same words. 

So here are Henry's, its a short and sweet list, but I dont wanna forget. 

"papa" Grandpa

"dadee" daddy

"bow" ball

"blash" Splash

"bubble" bubbles

"baba" blankey

He STILL wont say mommy. :(

Lets hear it for the boys

Henry 

He is the funniest kid I have ever met. He does the weirdest funniest things, and as soon as he realizes you are laughing at him, he does it even more. 

He is also the healthiest eater I have ever met. You give him a choice between cookies or fruit, he will hands down always take the fruit. He loves his cottage cheese, too. yuck. 

Has turned into a good little napper. anywhere from 2-4 hour nap a day. 

throws his hands in the air for "yay!" all day long. 

he is a guys guy. He loves his grandpas, dad, and uncle. 

He will copy anything you do, and he only has to see you do it once to know how to do it. 

He is adjusting pretty well to Charlie. He still has some aggressive moments about it, and he certainly is not about to give up his baby swing to him, but he loves to give him his version of kisses. 

Charlie

or as I like to call him, Char Char

Honestly such a sweet baby. Even his cry is soft and innocent(total opposite of Henry's lol)

HATES pooping and being poopy. He wont stop fussing until you change him

only does 1-2 feedings a night

is still asleep almost all day

loves to snuggle with just about anybody

has little rolls on his legs, but they definitely aren't chunk

still sleeping in our room, and honestly I am scared to move him, but more on that later

takes a binky, and it helps in some situations, but doesnt seem to be attached to it

Jason

Cutest hubby ever

He was such a trooper through my pregnancy, and even when I was at the hospital calling him at 4 am to come help me deal with annoying nurses

does more than his share of the work on the weekends

getting better and better at golf

started a new position at Goldman Sach's and is loving it

studliest man I know

2 weeks down, 934 to go

Meet Charlie. This is the only nice picture I have taken of him so far. I suck. its my goal for tomorrow to take his newborn pics. I must. 

Anyway, I started this post amped with a lot of juice for it, but that has fizzled. So here are the basics. 

Charlie is an AMAZING baby. If you remember, Henry was a nightmare newborn, screamed constantly, slept and napped AWFUL, didnt eat, etc. Charlie is the complete opposite on every level. Hardly cries, eats and sleeps like a CHAMP. Seriously, he is probably only awake for a couple hours a day. 

He was a HUGE baby at birth, 8lbs 10oz.  I mean, it was just ridiculous.  He has gorgeous brown hair that I just adore. He took his circumcision like champ, even though we had to wait until he was two weeks old to do it. 

He is such a patient baby, and I am so blessed for that. If Henry gets hurts or needs me that moment, I can set him down whereever for however long and he is fine. 

He is a total snuggle bug. he rarely makes a peep when he is being held. Its pretty adorable. 

This is Henry and Charlie. 

Henry, hasnt made his mind up yet about Charlie. Sometimes he loves him, gives him kisses and wants to help with him. Other times he is hurling projectiles at him and trying to smack him on the head. I will chalk it up to brotherly love. 

I can tell, that Henry can tell that something is different, and he is trying to work with it. He hasnt really done a bunch of tantrums. He can look at me, see I might be busy, and do something else. It kind of makes me sad, cause I dont want him to think I am too busy for him, so I make extra certain when I see he wants me, that he gets me. 

(Possible TMI ahead)

Then there is me. Sorry, no picture. 

2 weeks postpartum and I think I am almost back to normal. my girlie parts still hurt a little if I do too much, the bleeding has almost completely stopped, but my milk seems to still be there. At least I am not engorged, that crap hurt. 

I havent tried to fit into any clothes other than my maternity stuff, cause I am just too dang scared. 

So there ya go. 

theres our update. 

:)

My and Charlie's journey to his first week of life, and why I quit breastfeeding

Before I begin this post I want to start with thanking EVERYONE for your advice and support in the last week about breastfeeding. 

I have decided to not breastfeed, or pump, and I am happy with the attempt I made. 

In the hospital every nurse helped me, and the lactation specialist. I left the hospital sorta kinda good with breastfeeding, after 5 mins of work I could get Charlie to latch, I had to relatch him several times, and there was no milk, so it was kinda pointless. I cant remember what all happened in what order, but I tried latching him on my own, my milk hadnt come in, by the time it had we had already supplemented with a bottle to make sure he was eating, so he then had no interest in the nipple, so I tried the nipple shield, worked once, but with my milk once the nipple shield filled with milk, he had to suck harder to get more out and he didnt like that. So then I decided to just pump and feed him with a bottle. Here is the issue I had with that. It is EXTREMELY time consuming. When Charlie came, next to his safe arrival, the most important thing to me what Henry. Making sure he knows he is loved, cherished, adored, and happy. That means I wanted every single free second I had, to go to him. Not the pump. Even if the pump was for Charlie, it wasnt important to Charlie, like my attention is to Henry. 

I was also MISERABLE. People kept telling me it could take over a month to get the hang of it, and I only planned on BF for 6-8 weeks, so to be miserable for a month, for the last two weeks to be good, was completely stupid. Looking back(as if it was that long ago lol) I can see that I was depressed. I wasnt happy, I didnt feel like anyone else in my family was happy, and I didnt feel like any aspect of breastfeeding was right for us. The thought of Jason going back to work absolutely terrified me, because I still didnt even know how I was going to feed Charlie. I understand now that what I went through is probably pretty common when learning to BF and getting the hang of it, but that doesnt mean it was worth to me. It just wasnt. 

So with that, I decided to stop it all together and switch to formula. I dont feel ashamed, or like Charlie isnt getting what is best. Formula is just best in our family, was for Henry too, for lots of reasons. Jason gets to bond with them, I can KNOW for certain what they are getting, they stay fuller longer, its easier to leave him with others, and it doesnt make me emotional or hormonal. 

So no, I am not breastfeeding anymore, and honestly, I dont think I will try again if we have another child. I dont see it going any different than it has before, and its not worth it to me anymore to even try. 

I am currently trying to get rid of my milk supply, and that is sooo painful. not to mention I hate waking up in a pool of breast milk. So any advice or tips you can offer in THAT category would be greatly appreciated. :) 

Charlie's debut

We arrived for our scheduled induction around 6 am. We got checked in, and I was already dilated to a 4.5, and my contractions were every 3-5 minutes. I had been in early labor since Sunday if you remember. 

So they started me on Pitocin, then, the horror, the epidural. I had an epidural with Henry, so I knew what to expect and how it goes. The anesthesiologist came in, and instantly it was like a dark cloud entered the room. He was not talkative, nice, social etc. He just asked basic medical questions, gave me demands on what to do, it was awful. He had me on my side, and didnt even tell me what he was doing or when he was doing stuff, all of a sudden I just felt pain. He said it was really hard because my spine was so compressed so it took a long time and I just bawled and cried through all of it. It was so traumatic. As soon as it was done I was just so depressed and done with everything, I didnt want visitors, my photographer, nothing. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. I know it seems a bit extreme, but it was just really awful mentally for me. 

But, after I took a small nap I perked up again and once my Dr. came to break my water he cheered me up. Then my mom and sister got there and I felt good again. So That all was at 7 am, my Dr broke my water around 8. Then we just hung out for an hour or two and at 1030, the nurse came to check me and I was a 9.5! She hurried and called my Dr. who came downstairs and we started pushing. 10 minutes later, I had Charlie. :)

Even though I decided I didnt have the energy to do a birth session, I still wanted pictures so I had my little sister take my camera and take pictures. lol poor 17 year old. 

2 pictures were being taken here lol. we clearly werent on the same page about where to look.

He's pretty darn perfect. He was 8 pounds 10 ounces!!! at 2 weeks early!!!!  21 inches long, just like his brother. :) 

We are in our recovery room and so far, almost everything is going fantastic. I am dressed in regular clothes! that was a goal of mine. I can move around just fine. I am however, having the same issues I had with Henry in the urinating category. I think I must be shaped funny anatomy wise and it just blocks off when I am swollen like this. I have 30 minutes more to try and pee on my own or I have to get a cath again. :( 

Also the breast feeding could be going better. He latches good, but then just sits there. lol He sucks a couple times, nothing substantial, and then just falls asleep lol. Soooo I dunno. But thats already 10 times better than Henry did. 

For the most part this little guy is just sleepy. 

Pre Charlie

I am just sitting in, here the quiet of our bedroom, waiting for my freshly painted toenails to dry, and am trying to hold back emotions that I have about having another baby. 

Its so hard to put into words out it feels. 

On sunday I went into early labor while at my mother in laws house, so we went over to the hospital to see what was going on, and let me tell you, leaving Henry there was the HARDEST part of this whole thing. He was totally fine and happy, playing outside with balls and whatnot, but for me, sitting in the car pulling away from him knowing that in that very moment, I was choosing my other child over him, killed me. It hurt so bad, all I could do was cry. I wasnt progressing fast enough so they sent me home. To be honest I was more upset that I got sent home because it meant I would have to leave Henry like that again, and that is giving me so much anxiety. 

I rocked henry to sleep tonight, possibly for the last time as a mom of just 1, and I took every chance to soak it up and connect with his sweet spirit. 

Its hard for me to realize that I am changing Henrys life completely, and that theres no way for me to make it not hard for him. I am so aware of him and his needs for love and attention and I hope I can do enough for him. 

I love Charlie so much already, and am aware of him also, and his needs for love and attention. 

Its already so hard for me. 

There are so many emotions that I didnt expect to feel. Its down to the wire, its too late for learning and changing things, its less than 48 hours away. Its so stressful. 

The funny thing. 

There is such a feeling a peace in our house. 

Such a calm feeling. 

Its quite nice, I hope it stays. 

Ok. my toes are dry. going to bed. :)