Feeling ready.

So far in this pregnancy I haven't felt ready for baby to come yet. I just haven't felt like I was completely prepared, and not that you ever can be, but as much as I could be.

I now feel ready for him to come.

I don't have everything figured out.

His nursery isn't done.

the house isn't baby proofed.

I have no idea what diapers to buy.

I don't know how I will even touch the umbilical cord belly button. (gross)

I am scared spitless of bathing him.

I haven't finished reading all my books.

But I feel ready.

I feel comforted in knowing what my role will be, and I feel a sense of confidence in knowing that I will know what to do, or who to turn to if I don't. I can't explain it, although I am sure all you mothers out there know the feeling, I just feel an overwhelming peace about it.

I have about 15 weeks left until he comes. (cause he better come early) ;).

Its funny how full circle pregnancy goes. In the beginning I could not wait to get in the double digit weeks, and now I can't wait to get into the single digits for weeks left.

Pregnancy for the last month at least has been easy, aside from having some sort of cold bug, and the ever annoying back problems that is. I don't feel tired, sick, etc.

gratitude

Funny thing about the holidays. I know Thanksgiving is the time to be grateful and what not, but I seem to be filled with more gratitude during the Christmas season. Maybe its because of all the worldly hype going on, and seeing how little or hard others have it. So allow me to post a sappy post all about the things I am grateful for.

I am so grateful for my husband. I believe everyones spouse is the best spouse, for that person. Jason is no doubt the man that was meant for me, in every way. There is not a single minute I am with him that I am tired of him, or would rather be alone. He does sooo much for me, and does it naturally. I am grateful for how hard Jason has worked, literally since he was in Jr. High, to provide a nice lifestyle for his family. He got the best grades in jr, high, and high school, to get into the best college in the state, got the best grades there, to get the best job anyone can have. I am so lucky to have him. He knows exactly how to make me laugh, and knows exactly when I need it. Its so wonderful how our completely different personalities just work together, and compliment each other. He makes me a better person.

I am ever so grateful for my family. Growing up I gave my family a really hard time. I was a wild child, and a rebellious teen, but yet my family has been so amazing to me. They have truly become my best friends. My sisters are so amazing, and really my role models. My older sister and I have always had our differences, but with her being pregnant now, I think its going to help us bond and get closer. And my parents, words can not express the gratitude I have for my parents. They are so amazing, wonderful, inspiring and everything else. I honestly can say I do not know where I would be were it not for the support of my parents.

I love my house. I am so grateful for the house we have, and that we can afford to live in a house we want, in an area we want, without it being stressful on us. I am grateful that we can make it our home, a place where our children will grow up some and remember fondly.

I have so much appreciation for my body. Its been a challenge, this pregnancy, but through it I have learned to listen deeper to my body, and to appreciate its ability to create life. Sure, Jason's swimmers played a part in the initial creation, but it is MY body that is creating this life, this person, and I am truly grateful for the ability to do it. I will never take it for granted.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!! I love all of my friends, and I love the way we came to be friends. I love the old friends, and the new friends. I love that there were people in high school who I just knew of, that have now become sweet dear friends via Facebook or Blogs. I love it. I love that I have so many people that I can talk to about different things, and so many that are so thoughtful and caring. Seriously, thank you to all my friends, and if your reading this, it means you. :)

I oh so looove my calling. Its not the most fun sometimes, and its annoying that I have to be there every sunday or get a sub(which is impossible), but it is so worth it when I get to be with my Sunbeams and hear the adorable things they say. When we got the calling we told the bishop we didn't think there was anything we could learn from it, cause come on, its Sunbeams, but boy were we wrong. We may not learn deep doctrine, or living the gospel, but the things the kids teach are things we could only learn in Sunbeams. We get a new batch of Sunbeams in January, and I am super sad. I hope the current kids will always say hi to me. :)

I am grateful for the gospel, and all it has done in my life. It is so forgiving, and so comforting, that I really don't know how people can fall away from it for too long. I love my Savior, and hope I make him proud.

I am eternally grateful for my child. He already has such personality, and I love being apart of this process. Being a newlywed a woman becomes baby hungry, but let me tell you, I can not wait for the toddler stage. Jason and I are both just so excited to get this little person out and start interacting with him and becoming a family. I hope he always knows how much we love him.

Am I normal?

I am nervous.

to be a mom.

I explained this to my husband on our anniversary, but those feelings still linger.

The details:

Growing up LDS I knew from early on that I was meant to be a mom, I knew I wanted to be a mom. It wasn't until I got married that I realized what being a mom meant. I realized its a job. Not only is it a job, it is the most important job I will ever do in my life. Its a little perplexing that the most important job there is, does not have more training! I feel so unprepared. I know how much I learned, researched, studied and was trained to be able to be a Personal Trainer, and how important is that?! Yet to be a mom, anyone can do it, its encouraged, its popular, yet I feel like I am being thrown into an ocean of other moms who know what they are doing, and are expecting me to keep up the pace. Its so nerve wracking to me. Sometimes I wonder if I take being a parent too seriously, but its not that I am taking it too seriously in a overbearing sort of way, like not letting my kids play outside or things like that, its more the pressure I am putting on myself to perform and be the mom I know I can be, and want to be. Did anyone else feel this way before their first baby, or am I just too hard on myself?

The other obstacle I face, besides myself, is my husband. Obviously that needs explaining. For me, I approach parenthood with the idea of what I want my children and my family to be like in 20 years, and I go back from there. Jason on the other hand takes the approach of we will deal with things as they come up. I think both are suitable ways of handling things, its just hard for my OCD-must-plan-things-out mind to not plan things out more. Of course I know you can't plan everything, things will change, different kids have different needs, but I feel a blue print is necessary.

So I ask you, is this normal?

boring update.

so I am little pissed and frustrated. Nice way to start a post don't you think?

Here is my reasoning.

I am healthy 90% of the time. I eat well, I exercise, and I enjoy a daily treat. I do pilates. I stretch. I take care of myself, more than I think most women do.

I am pissed because despite all of that, the car accident has made this pregnancy that much harder. I am convinced if it wasn't for the blasted car accident, my back wouldn't hurt yet, my buldging disc wouldn't have herniated causing insane numbness and pain in my leg, and my SI Joint would not be injured causing that much more pain.

So its frustrating, that I can take such good care of myself, IN PREPERATION for pregnancy, and yet it is useless. It makes me think I should have just milked it like a lot of other woman and just sat lazily by getting fat and depressed. I mean, that would have been easier.

Really I shouldn't complain. In the spectrum of pregnancies it hasn't been that bad. I haven't thrown up, I am not huge, my face hasn't gotten fat, and I don't milk the craving thing.

But recently, its gotten to the uncomfortable stage. It feels weird to bend over for something, or tie my shoe, it takes way more effort to get up from the couch or bed, and my belly is not submerged at all during bath time. Which is weird because my center of gravity hasn't shifted all that much, yes I have a bump/belly, but I can still see my toes, and it doesn't stick out that far, but yet my balance is all sorts of off.

Baby bump/belly thus far:

23 weeks

Its weird to think that technically my baby could be born right now, and survive. Obviously that is not ideal, and I am sure he would have a lot of issues, but its still weird to think. There are 17 weeks left in this little journey of mine, and I CAN NOT wait for it to be over, but at the same time I can, because I don't feel ready for a baby quite yet, but I feel so ready to be done being pregnant. ya know?!

I have to brag for a minute. A while ago I asked my hubby if I could have a certain amount of money after I lost the baby weight to buy a new wardrobe, and yesterday he told me he has decided to over DOUBLE that budget for me! He said he thinks I deserve it since this pregnancy has been so painful with the car accident problems. :) What a freaking sweetie I have.

Pregnancy Tidbits:

Its hilarious to me how much my belly shrinks after I go pee.

baby is SO active at night when I am trying to sleep. luckily I have learned to ignore him.

If I stretch really far, I can feel him being squished.

I looove my one pair of maternity jeans. the only pair I have found that I love.

the hormones are crazy. 1 minute I am happy, and the next I feel totally depressed.

I love wearing skirts and heels. looove it.

his movement and kicks still feel like heartbeats.

I have a nice collection of maternity tops, that i love.

I looove fresh food. tomatoes, fruits, etc. I love it. gives me so much energy.

Christmas is coming up so much faster, when its not what my countdown is for.

There is a human residing in me. That is still SO weird.

Well I thought I would give you another pregnancy picture since bedrest seemed to make me pop.

22 weeks:

Last week when I did some spring cleaning in the closets, I came across some books that I had totally forgotten I had, but really liked. So I have started reading them again, and I thought I'd share with you why I like them.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

I grabbed this book because a blog friend of mine recommended it, and I have loved it. I dislike reading books that are stories, I like the self help books because I would rather get something productive out of reading rather than a story. This book is pretty awesome. I got this book not because we needed marriage help, but because I wanted to know every little thing I could be doing to make our marriage even better. This book talks about the different ways people solve problems, communicate, and it gives you ways to correct bad form. I recommend it for people who need marriage help, but also people who were like me and just wanted to make it that much better.

15 Secrets to Happy Home

OMG, this is by far my all time favorite improve your life book. If you only read one self help type book, please let it be this one. I picked this book up after just browsing around in Deseret Book for an hour and it caught my eye. I really hate the title of this book, because although these secrets do make your home happy, this book is way more about making YOU a happy you. Ever since reading this book I have learned and applied so many principles and ideas that have helped me deal with immature relatives, rude co-workers, negative friends etc. I admit I used to somewhat of an angry person in general, and ever since reading this book I have learned how to naturally be happy every single day. This book truly helps you gain a new sense of contentment and happiness. It helps you cope with situations you can't control, and to really make the best of every situation. I really can't say enough good things about this book. It was written by an LDS author, but its not an LDSie book for those of you who aren't members. Also I love it because its an easy read type book, its the bigger font which is just easier to read lets face it. I even keep this book in my scriptures and on Sundays during Sacrament Meeting when I am bored, lol, I read it. GET IT.

Change It Up

This book is along the same type of book as the previous, its just a bit more personal with the author. She tells a lot of her own examples, but the basis of the book is learning to deal with change, any kind of change. Because change in life is what upsets us, death, losing jobs, divorce, moving, etc. Change is going to happen, so you might as well learn to cope and make the most of it. I like, its not as applicable as the previous book, but it definitely has a lot of good points, thought provoking messages, and points out flaws you might not know you have.

Babywise

I haven't finished this book yet, I just like it so far. lol. I have already done a post on this book, so go here if you want to know my thoughts.

I have actually gotten more into reading now that I am expecting, because I want to get as much knowledge as possible. I have a second cousin, who married an awesome lady, and together they adopted the CUTEST baby girl, their blog is here, and she has just done such an amazing job with Hazel that I wanted to know her secrets. So I asked her what her favorite books were and now I have a new list of books to buy and read! They are:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (& for toddlers)

I need to go out and get them, but I want to at least finish Babywise first.

I don't intend on birthing my son, and then just winging it from there. I think that will be disastrous. I think you should learn everything you can, before the baby comes, and have a plan to execute when they arrive. I realize things change, things may not work and you have to tweak things, but its better than just bringing baby home from the hospital and being like"ok now what?" I just refuse to do that. I think thats when the first child becomes the practice child, and I won't do that. I say do it right the first time. Take the time, read, learn, ask around, observe, talk about it, and know how you want to parent from the beginning. I especially think you and your spouse should be on the same page before baby arrives, because once you meet baby, and you fall in love with their personality, your judgement might get clouded and you just wanna do whatever to make baby smile or laugh, which may not be whats best for their long term development. ya know?

Bedrest is no fun

This weekend I was put on bedrest.

heres the story.

So last Sunday I woke up feelin a little under the weather. We stayed home from church, I ate soup, and by tuesday felt a lot better. If you will remember from my last post, I did a lot of ''spring cleaning" last week. I didn't feel like I was over exhorting myself but I guess I was. On Friday night while Jason was at the Jazz game I started bleeding. It was dark blood that I had never seen before. I called the on-call Dr who explained that being sick makes your muscles weaker, and when your uterus muscles are weakened, the lining of the sac can tear away. So he said I probably tore my sac a little, but because there was no more bleeding, or cramping that went along with it, he didn't think there was anything to worry about, but that I should be on bedrest for the weekend.

And let me tell you, Jason took this bedrest seriously.

Bedrest is not fun, and I was always worried that I might have to do it at one point or another. It makes me feel lazy, gross, dependent and useless. Jason has been wonderful through it, making all my meals, getting me what I wanted, and getting mad at me when I get up. For Jason to make my meals, that he has no idea how to make and no interest in eating, is big. lol.

So with the pregnancy, the bleeding stopped soon after it started, there were no cramps, no weird pains and at this very moment I can still feel little Henry. In fact I just felt a really strong kick, strongest yet. :) So everything is looking really good, I don't think there is anything to worry about.

Here is my 21 week prego picture for your entertainment.

I love my little bump, even if I am not as big as everyone else is or was, I still feel hugely pregnant.

Prego facts

I can now feel Henry almost all day. a lot in the morning and a lot at night.

I still pee constantly.

no food "Cravings" or weird urges.

I am SUPER excited for my first baby shower, because its one with all my friends and I can't wait to see and talk to them all. I especially can't wait to get a picture with all my friends that are pregnant with me, which I think is like 6 now. I just can't wait to get all their advice and opinions about birth and babylife.

I looove my baths. I always have, but I just love them more now.

I am actually enjoying being patient for him to arrive. I know it sounds weird but I just don't feel ready for him to come yet. I feel like there are still things I need to learn or realize before he gets here, and I am glad I have 3-4 months still to do that.

So yeah. There we go. Theres an update for ya. I am off bedrest tomorrow, but I am sure my husband will require that I still take it easy, but tomorrow I plan on having a meeting with the baseboards in my house.

Cause man are they in trouble.

letting nesting take over

I am an organized nut freak.

Although for some reason the last 11 months I have not been as organized as I would like. When you live in an apartment, there isn't much room for organizing, you kind of just have to cram things where they will go. When we moved into the house it seems we took that mentality with us. Also I have noticed, that we(I) have a few staple rooms in the house that constantly get cleaned. They are: 2 living rooms, the kitchen, the bedroom, and the 2 bathrooms. The rest of the house gets neglected because we never use those rooms, but yet we still stuff things in them. I was going to wait until the third trimester to get all this stuff done, then I got overwhelmed with the ever so growing list of things I want to accomplish third trimester. So today you see, I decided to get on top of that issue. I wrote a list, because I oh so love lists and checking things off, then bright and early I got to work.

The first I decided to tackle was the closets.

This is the top of the hallway closet. And in it was all my purses, random crafts stuff, books, a box with misc items, towels, sheets, games, office stuff, binders and more. This is one of those places in our house where you just know something you want is in there, you just don't know where.

45 mins later you have this:

Then I moved to the coat closet by the door. This housed our 72 hour kits, the stroller, the carseat holder, random craft stuff, coats, mop, broom, frames, flowers, and more. This is the place on our house that is a quick place to shove things.

45 mins later we have this:

The vacuum may also live here, but I can't decide. for now my cats enjoy a hazard free closet floor.

Then, after an afternoon nap, and lunch, I tackled the second biggest project of the house. The first biggest is the downstairs, and you will see what I am talking about when I do that, but for now, THE GARAGE.

Before:

Now, this picture was taken completely before, I hadn't started even a little, so that huge mound of crap in the middle is true. When Jason and I clean out our cars, it all goes to the middle right there. There were shoes, my favorite skirt that I have been searching for, bags of new stuff, socks, random craft stuff(noticing a trend with the craft stuff?), trash etc. To the left side there are tons of soda boxes that were empty!! I had no idea they were empty! my hubby is gonna get it. I mean, its not insanely bad, I have certainly seen worse, but there was no organization and it was messy. So a lot of throwing away, organizing, and sweeping occurred,

and this was my pretty after picture:

Seriously isn't it so pretty now? I mean, as pretty as a garage can get. This actually isn't the most accurate after picture for 2 reasons. 1. the boxes of stuff by the door are not staying, they are full of stuff that need to go inside, but I can't really lift them being prego so I will wait for Jason to do that. 2. I put up a bunch of Jason's Jazz stuff on the back wall so it felt more like his own man cave lol.

Another thing I did for him in the garage, Jason has acquired a lot of tools, but they are sets that have their own containers with the rights shapes and stuff, you know the kind right? Well his also has a lot of misc tools that have no where to go so I went to the store and bought him a real tool box. Its big. :)

Anyway. This is day 1 of this project. I still have to do:

Basement

Nursery

Office

Kitchen drawers

Bathrooms(a real good scrub down)

Backyard

steam clean all carpets

I anticipate this taking at least until wednesday, IF I do it like I did today. The nesting bug hit me today, so I hope it hits me tomorrow and the next day!

Christmas is here, get on board or be a grinch.

Are you one of those people who hate when people decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving?

Do you just feel that Thanksgiving should get "its time?"

If so, this post is not for you. ;)

This is the "coffee table" in our front room and I am not entirely certain I love it yet. I have a plan for the little trees, I just need one more supply. nevertheless, here it is. :

This wall in my house does not photograph well at all. But anyway, I love this wall. :) We don't have a fireplace so the stockings just got hung on the wall. what are ya gonna do?

This might be my favorite Christmas decoration thus far. I got the milk glass bowl at the DI for $1, and the ornaments at all a dollar for...$1!

I just love these ornaments. Who said all ornaments have to go on the tree?

this is kind of like my mantle if you will, since I do not have one. And I looove it.

So there you have it. My house is decked with Christmas cheer and I could not be more happy.

And here is what I have to say to all the early christmas decorating haters:

Its my house, not yours. They are my lights, not yours. They are my decorations, not yours. If I want to put my lights, tree and decorations up early I have every dang right to, and if you don't like it, close your eyes. I am tired of people on Facebook or in stores complaining that things are coming out early. Let me ask you this..WHO CARES?!?! Seriously, Christmas decorations and things are all about the Christmas spirit, which includes a feeling of gratitude, compassion, love, and a Christlike attitude, and here YOU are telling me that I am doing it too early? It is never too early to bring those feels and atmospheres out. Really, if you don't want to decorate until after Thanksgiving, thats your prerogative, but don't you try and insist that the rest of society do things your way. Thanksgiving gets plenty of love on Thanksgiving day, and even Thanksgiving week, but I consider Christmas decoration part of HOLIDAY SEASON decorations, and when people say "happy holidays" they are referring to Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. so my holiday decorations can go up whenever I want.

I put up my tree. :) :) :)

and all other things Christmas in my house.

Jason and I spent our Sunday afternoon decorating our tree, and I quite enjoyed it.

I love going through our ornaments and remembering when or why we got them.

Behold the tree (sorry its so dark)

Each year we each get a new ornament that depicts our year.

Jason got a coca-cola bottle. He says its because he loves coke, I say its to remember the year of all his kidney stones. :)

I chose an SLR camera ornament, for obvious reasons.

Then, of course, we had to get one for our kitties.

I sat on our couch this afternoon and thought for a while about how weird my life is to me now. Not in any sort of bad way, but for 20 years of my life, I lived with my parents, putting up their tree, sitting on their couches, and being a part of their daily lives. Its surreal to me, even still, that I have my own house, with my own stuff, I put up my own tree, with my own ornaments and my own little family. Although daily life seems normal, when I look at everything from a distance, it is still so weird that I am an adult. I wonder when this will feel completely normal. I sure do love my little adult life though.

Progress is definitely being made on little Henry's nursery, slowly but surely. I would post pictures, but I would rather do a big reveal post than tiny as we go posts. The paint is %95 done. The wall decor is all purchased, painted, and put together. I made a rug the other day that I oh so love and would have cost at least $100 if I would have just bought it. The only thing missing, and the only reason it is not completely finished is the crib set. We had a crib set all picked out, then we learned the the 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 cribs were being recalled, or flat out canceled because they were falling apart and children were dying in them. So now we have to find another set that we like and that is certified safe, which %90 of them aren't, sadly.

Well there is nothing much else going on with us. We will be doing our Christmas cards soon so send me your address if you would like one. I am doing something different with mine than others do, so I am really excited about it. It will be the most fun card ever received. :)

Work update

Well the decision on what I am going to do with my career has been a tricky one thus far.

The plan, was for me to work all the way up until delivery, and then if it felt right and I loved it I would go back sometime after the baby comes.

Here are the factors that we now had to consider

1. The 24 Hour Fitness location I work at is 30 mins away, so its a bit of a commute.

2. The car accident I was in really messed up my hips. I injured my SI Joint, and if I walk or stand for too long, it makes my leg numb and tingly.

3. The further into the pregnancy I get, the more uncomfortable I am and the more difficult it becomes to demo exercises for my clients, and set up their weights etc.

4. Its not insanely stressful, but there is a sales side to Personal Training that makes it not as fun as it could be.

5. I loooove my job. Really. I have loved a few of my jobs before, but this is my career, and I am madly in love with it.

6. I loooove my clients. Personal Training for me is really personal. I get to know my clients, they become friends, we text a lot, they bought me baby gifts, I love them and will always always help them with their goals, money involved or not.

7. I love 24 Hour Fitness. I believe in the brand, the goals, and my boss is awesome.

8. It keeps me active. Even though during this pregnancy the more active I am the more my hip hurts, I still love being active and staying somewhat in shape.

9. I have realized the last couple weeks that even though I don't work that many hours, it still affects how productive I am at home. Instead of all my tiny energy going to nesting, getting the house ready, being a good wife etc, its going to work.

The decision that Jason and I made was that I would stop working at the end of December.

Its bittersweet, but in the end we knew I wouldn't need to work when Henry gets here, so a couple months really wouldn't matter. The bottom line is it is getting too physically demanding to do Personal Training, and its not worth it.

So on Thursday I let my boss know that December would be my last month. He understood, and we agreed I would finish out my clients and then be done, which is perfect timing.

I am hoping this will help me be more productive at home, and give me time to prepare for the birth and the baby.

I may go back to Personal Training after the baby comes, like waaay after, but who knows. It really was just so much fun.

so there you have it.

on a plus note, my sweet hubby knows that I have been having a hard time with it, with the weight gain that comes with pregnancy, and feeling not so pretty. so a week ago he brought home costa vida that had a sweet love note in it. The note directed me to him, where he pulled out a nice Morgan Jewelers white box that contained the most shiney diamond earrings ever. He is so sweet, and knows when I need a pick me up. He got them for me so every time I see them I will know how pretty he thinks I am. :) I have been wearing them ever since. :)

They are soooo sparkly, and I feel very nervous wearing them with how expensive they were.

Wish me luck not losing them!! :/

want a baby? Get a kitten.

I really think that all soon to be parents should get a Kitten.

Here are my top 10 reasons why.

Top 10 Reasons to get a cat if you want a kid

1. There are sooo many Kittens that need a good home that you really just can't go wrong, unless you are a cruel to animals. :(

2. Cats, Kittens really teach you patience. You don't just get them home and thats that. You have to be patient as they learn where to use the bathroom, not to knock over the Christmas tree, and not to bring crickets inside.

3. They teach you to control your negative emotion. Cats obviously can't talk and express their reasons for doing things, so I feel bad if I get upset at our cats, like I have hurt their feelings and they can't tell me. I never yell at them, I never swat them, and I give them lots of love.

4. They teach you to find more effective ways of disciplining. You can't just yell at a cat and expect they get it, just like I don't believe you should just yell at a child and expect they get it. You have to make sure they make a connection between the action and consequence.

5. They make you aware of others. They are so tiny, and they run all over and sometimes get under your feet, so it teaches you to be aware of who is around, and to be careful.

6. They teach responsibility. If you don't clean their liter, they poop on the carpet and that is your fault. So you have to be diligent in making sure you are taking care of them.

7. They help you understand how to understand the needs of others. When they meow, I can now tell which type of meow it is. They have a needy pet me meow, a whiny feed me meow, and a I really want that fly meow. I can tell when one of them is upset, annoyed, hungry and tired.

8. Most of all they teach you that although they aren't perfect, and they get into things and frustrate you, the love you have for your little one and the joy they bring far outweighs those little things.

9. If the reason you want a baby is because you want to love someone and have someone love you, Kittens are soooo perfect for that. They just snuggle and purr and love you and its so adorable.

10. They are just so cute. :)

Obviously my child has not yet arrived, but I know all these things will come in handy and have prepared me to be able to be the mother I want to be.

:)

So get a cat.

Pregnancy & life update

20 weeks pregnant.

20 weeks is the half way point, and I really don't feel half way. Maybe thats because we didn't find out we were pregnant until the 5th week, so I have only known for 15 weeks, so 20 still isn't even how long I feel like I have been pregnant. You know?

Fun pregnancy facts

-weeks left: 20

-most number of times going to the bathroom in a day: 10

-weekly belly shots: 12

- number of ultrasounds: 6

most naps taken in one day: 3

-worst symptom(so far): nausea without throwing up. I hate that

-number of chocolate oranges eaten(so far): 6\

-Henry moves a lot. At least every hour I can feel him moved, and every time he does I know its something I could feel on the outside if I just had my hand then. Of course when I put it there he does not move.

-Henry is stretching out in me. He is standing up straight, his head is by my ribs, and his feet and way low in my uterus.

-number of books read on pregnancy or raising kids: 2

-I already feel like there is a bowling ball attached to my stomach and its most obvious when I need to get up from a chair or bed. So Jason has to help hoist me up. It actually feels more like a big water balloon, so when I bend forward like to tie my shoes, I feel this balloon flatten lol.

-I have a good supply of maternity tops, and only 2 pairs of bottoms, black yoga pants and 1 pair of maternity jeans that I like.

-we have registered at babies r us and target and let me tell you I found that process almost pointless for us. Here is why. I loved registering for our wedding, because I already knew what we needed, I had used it all before anyway yada yada. Well for baby, I have no idea what to get!! there was a whole wall of bottle nipples and Jason and I were perplexed at which to register for. It was pretty much like that for 80% of the things we registered for, the other stuff you were supposed to register for was nursery stuff, which obviously I am doing myself to avoid the cheesy cuteness that is at babies r us with their animal prints and trains.

-fetal movement at the beginning felt like flutters, like little butterflies in my stomach. Now fetal movements have turned into kicks, and they feel like a heartbeat in your stomach.

-I don't poke out, I just don't. I am sorry. Hate me if you want, BUT I HAVE gained weight. So don't think I am starving myself or something. The Dr said my weight gain right now is just fine, and not to worry about the shape of my stomach. So I won't :)

Well so far this pregnancy has been on a scale of 1 to 10, I would say a 5. In the beginning of the first trimester it was really hard to figure out how to function being pregnant and injured from the car accident, but now that I have, its pretty easy. Also in the first trimester you are so paranoid about the high chances of miscarriage its hard to even try to enjoy it. The first trimester was filled with tiredness and nausea, that has dramatically changed in the second trimester. I only get tired at bed time, and I get nausea about once a week.

My Dr has already started talking to me about the birthing plan, because he knows I want to go natural without meds, and that takes a while to prepare for. classes are 12 weeks long, and you want to be done with at least a month left so that means within a month we need to start classes. I do want to go natural, without meds, but I am not naive to think it will be easy, or that I will even make it. I am well aware of the fact that I hate pain, and that I could very easily cave. But I want to try.

well with 20 weeks down and 20 weeks to go, we are half way. actually today I am 19w 6d so tomorrow I am officially 20 weeks, and Jason and I are going out to celebrate hump day!

Here is what the next 20 weeks SHOULD have in store for us.

-third and FINAL trimester starts in 8 weeks.

-finishing the nursery. There is a LOT to do

-showers! my family ones need to be done before my lil sis goes on a mission on Jan 12.

-stocking the nursery with everything not received from the showers.

-birthing classes

-more frequent dr's appointments

-finishing Babywise and deciding on a parenting book to read.

-getting into a family home evening night habit, eeks

-quitting my job to get ready for baby

-taking a tour of the hospital we are delivering at

-getting the REST of our house ready, the office, basement, laundry room etc.

-packing our hospital bags

-teaching Jason how to change a diaper

-Celebrating our last Christmas and Thanksgiving as just a couple

*******************************

In other random news...

Jason is still loving his job at Goldman Sach's. He has been there for almost 3 years now and is really excited about it still. His job "makes" him travel a lot, and he is working on getting his passport right now so he can go travel with them to places other than New York. He works about 50-60 hours a week, but its doing what he loves so it evens out right?

I am still working at 24 Hour Fitness as a Personal Trainer and I loooove my job. I love my clients, and I love what I do. I love that I don't really answer to anyone, and I don't really have co-workers I have to work with. Its just me and my clients. It has gotten a lot harder to do since being pregnant and broken, but my awesome clients make it easier. I will certainly miss them when its time to go. :(

We are excited for a lot of things, non baby related that will be coming up, and I will post more about those when they happen. :)

Girls AND boys. And Oprah

I am having a boy.

duh. :)

now, when I found out I was having a boy there was actually a certain sigh of relief. A relief that I wasn't having a girl that I had to teach modesty, values, and how to avoid the wrong kind of guy.

Then today, I realized something.

I posted a status on Facebook about how girls dress at Halloween, about how they do it because boys give them attention.

The whole I kept thinking I am glad I am not having a girl right now that I have to worry about that with. Then I realized I am having a boy.

There is still a huge responsibility to teach Henry, and all my future sons, that they shouldn't expect certain things from girls, that they shouldn't be attracted to it, and they shouldn't support it.

If every single guy, came out and said how disgusting it was for girls to degrade themselves by dressing immodestly, don't you think all the girls would suddenly have a change of wardrobe?

I have a huge responsibility to teach my sons how to treat a woman, how to think about them, and how to honor them.

Thats pretty intense if you ask me, since I am not a boy! I have no idea how they think, but being a stay at home mom, I will be the first line of defense for them.

Sure Jason is their dad, and will be there to give them guidance and teach them, but not as much as I will.

and thats huge.

****************************************************************

Speaking of modest...Random side street here.

I looove my religion. love it to pieces and think it is perfect.

BUT.

There are time when I wish, I wish I wish, I could wear something like this:

I mean look at it!

To me it screams classy, elegant with a side of pazaz.

and personally, for me, I see nothing wrong with this. Its not even off the shoulder, its just a wide neckline, LONG sleeves, and a skirt to the knees. I think this could be consider worldly modest, but obviously, not LDS modest. Which is fine, I will survive this life, without this dress.

I know, its thinking like this that gives people an excuse which turns into reasons which turns into halloween costumes as listed above. I just looove this dress. :)

I know the church has to draw the line somewhere and if you give a little here, people will take a mile, and maybe one day in heaven I can wear whatever I want, a place where tasteful wide necklines are marveled at.

But until then I have dreams of this sinfully white dress, and others like it.

Really. I have dreams that Oprah mails me this dress, in my size, tailored to my height, equipped with a dazzling belt and must have accessories. Then I frolic about in it until Jason gets home and just can't resist taking me to some fancy restaurant.

Am I wrong?

Is this dress too provocative?

Do I have my wires crossed?

sigh. maybe I am the very person I criticized for their Halloween costumes. :(

oh the responsibility.

Did you know how many options for Christmas lights there are?

In my tiny naive world there are colored, white, little and big. And in recent years, icicles.

Thats it.

OH boy was I in for a rude awakening when I ventured out to supply our house with outdoor Christmas lights.

First off, all the size bulbs have weird names. Like C7, C5, C9 etc.

Then they are grouped into color types, white, blue, multi, dual colored, red etc.

Then they are grouped in LED or normal.

Then you have shapes, like icicles, stars, candy canes, nets for bushes, the tubed kind, etc.

Then they are grouped into watts, and length, 12 ft, 15 ft, 25 ft, 32 ft, 45 ft, etc.

Then they are group into effects, blinking, flickering, multi function etc.

So you can imagine the look on the face of the person at the store when I walked in and said "where are the larger colored christmas lights?"

Oh. my. goodness.

I have never before been so overwhelmed with so many choices while shopping.

I mean, I just need lights!

Needless to say I walked out empty handed.

too many decisions. And to me, they are big decisions. This is my first house, my first time being responsible for joyfully decorating my house with lights that will bring a Christmas feeling to a neighborhood street.

I do not take this new responsibility lightly.

Our neighbor does Christmas lights displays for houses, where they blink and move to music.

So I may just give up doing it on my own, and just pay the man to do it.

Much easier, right?

Proceed with caution

beautiful,
crazy,
enlightening,
lucky,
cute,
adorable,
hottie,
amazing,
sexy mama,
healthy,
witty,
gorgeous,
skinny,
healthy,
sassy,
hilarious,
wonderful
and inspiring.

This awesome blog friend of mine(who just had her beautiful baby) recommended this exercise when one is feeling particularly low about ones self.

So I went through my pictures comments, well for 3 minutes, then I got tired, and noted all the things people have called me. :)

It did make me feel good.

Till I went to go find some earlier photos of myself to post here for a motivation, then I again felt like a whale.

*sigh*

but at least I had those few moments of feel goodness. :)

Sigh, oh how hard I worked.

One day...