I am nervous.
to be a mom.
I explained this to my husband on our anniversary, but those feelings still linger.
The details:
Growing up LDS I knew from early on that I was meant to be a mom, I knew I wanted to be a mom. It wasn't until I got married that I realized what being a mom meant. I realized its a job. Not only is it a job, it is the most important job I will ever do in my life. Its a little perplexing that the most important job there is, does not have more training! I feel so unprepared. I know how much I learned, researched, studied and was trained to be able to be a Personal Trainer, and how important is that?! Yet to be a mom, anyone can do it, its encouraged, its popular, yet I feel like I am being thrown into an ocean of other moms who know what they are doing, and are expecting me to keep up the pace. Its so nerve wracking to me. Sometimes I wonder if I take being a parent too seriously, but its not that I am taking it too seriously in a overbearing sort of way, like not letting my kids play outside or things like that, its more the pressure I am putting on myself to perform and be the mom I know I can be, and want to be. Did anyone else feel this way before their first baby, or am I just too hard on myself?
The other obstacle I face, besides myself, is my husband. Obviously that needs explaining. For me, I approach parenthood with the idea of what I want my children and my family to be like in 20 years, and I go back from there. Jason on the other hand takes the approach of we will deal with things as they come up. I think both are suitable ways of handling things, its just hard for my OCD-must-plan-things-out mind to not plan things out more. Of course I know you can't plan everything, things will change, different kids have different needs, but I feel a blue print is necessary.
So I ask you, is this normal?
7 comments:
I can't even tell you how normal you sound. It doesn't get easier when they're here either. I went through some serious soul searching when Cairi first got here because I was so hard on myself. I wanted to be perfect for her. I knew she deserved the best and I was always worried I wasn't doing it right. Anyway, over time I learned to relax. You just gotta find your groove and you will :). Chris is the same way as Jason and it's actually a really nice balance for us. I think it's just refreshing that there are still people out there who think being a parent is just as important as any other job you go to school for. You're going to be a great mom!!
Thank you! It really does help to know I am not the only one that felt this way. I am so excited for your next little one! its always weird to me when people have a second baby of a gender they have, cause I have no idea what they will look like!
I was freaked out a bit before Gracie came and the first week or month after. I had no idea what I was doing! But it comes to you. You just know what to do! You and Henry will be BFFs and you will know everything about him and know how to be his mommy.
It's SO normal! I think it helps a little too, because you take this more seriously than the few that don't worry. Henry will benefit from that. Having Jason by your side will make a huge difference. Some days I just have to ask Eric to remind me that I'm doing things the way Kegan needs them. In no time you'll no his wants and needs better than anyone and when you realize that it is a huge relief. It's a reminder that you are his MOM.
Don't worry you are not the only one that feels this way I just don't think everyone comes out and says it. I was terrified especially when it was time to bring him home, my mom left and Ty went to work I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing. But surprisingly you will know you will look into the beautiful eyes and everything will seem perfect. You will be a great mom. It is a little nerve racking but you will learn like we all do. I still dont knwo what to do sometimes and I just have to stop and breathe and snuggle him and it just works. I dont know how to explain it but it works and you will be in love with being Henry's mommy. Ty is also the same way as Jason and I agree that it is a good balance in marriage and in parenting.
Haha same here Kati! I think it's going to be crazy to see what she looks like. It's almost like having my first all over again because I'm so dying to see if she looks like Cai or not.
Ok, don't hate me. I don't remember being that nervous about Sarah. I always felt that coming from a family of 9 kids, with 18 nieces and nephews, I've been about as prepared as someone can be. My whole life I've watched how people parent so I can pick out what I like and don't like about the way they do things. I don't think I'm a perfect mom, but I learned that individual instances of parenting don't really make a difference in the long run. It's about love and consistancy. You can't imagine how relaxing it is to know that if I lose my temper over something stupid, it's just not that big a deal as long as I don't do it frequently.
What I was more nervous about, was how it would change my routine. And then with Andrea I was nervous about how it would affect Sarah, and our relationship.
Anthony seems to default to me in parenting decisions, unless he REALLY disagrees with something. And then it's still "hey, do you think, maybe, we could maybe do that differently?" I guess that's one of the perks of having a husband who didn't really grow up with the gospel. Hahaha!
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