On Becoming Babywise

I already wrote this whole long post about why I didn't like today.

Then I deleted it.

Because A) it wasn't that exciting

And B) it wasn't very positive.

so alas, it has been deleted. :)

I do want to talk about and ask your opinion on a book, a baby type book called Babywise. I bought it yesterday, and even started it. Here is why I like it.

(first of all, it was only 13.95$, with it being such a popular book in the last 10 years, I am pleased they are not trying to bleed your wallet for 30$ like some of the other books I saw.)

Obviously I have had a lot of friends and family start families, and go through the newborn/baby stages. There are some that from my point of view have a hard time as far as time management, staying sane, keeping a life, getting things done etc. and there are others who were the opposite, they got tons of things done everyday, seemed happy, well rested, and even more, there kids are amazing kids, well behaved and so happy. now that I am expecting my own, I asked the second group of moms how they did it, and they said it was this book, Babywise. Now, let me preface, I am not saying that the first set of moms did things wrong, or were unhappy, I am just saying I lean more towards the second groups way of life.

Now, I started reading this book yesterday, and I haven't gotten into the nitty gritty of how to's yet, so far the first 2 chapters are more about the ways of thinking and what things are important etc, and let me tell you, I was surprised and shocked at what the first chapter said. In a good way. The first group of parents have their babies and then it seems like the next 4 months is a blur and hectic and no stability etc., because their main focus and attention is the new baby. As you think it should be right? According this book, wrong. The main focus in having a new baby, is your marriage. What?! I know, right? I have never heard that before, and reading that chapter, it really made sense. The first chapter is called "Your baby needs a family" in which the author talks about how your baby needs to come into a functioning family, and learn to be a part of a family. Not come into this world thinking the world revolves around them. They need to know that Mom and Dad love each other, and are important to each other, and that they are both there for the baby.

"Great marriages produce great parents"

This was the first line in the chapter that kind of hit me in a way that put it into perspective. Especially when I think about how many couples later down the line say they feel more like roommates, than lovers.

"When there is harmony in the marriage, there is an infused stability with the family"

It is safe to say, that the natural instinct of new parents is to be obsessed with the new baby, and make their world revolve around the baby. But what happens when the second baby comes and you can't do that? That is why I agree and believe when the book says that the baby is coming into an already functioning family, not parents being introduced to an already functioning newborn.

"The goal of parenting is not simply to avoid excessive anxiety, but to create a world of confidence by what we do with each other as much as by what we avoid doing"

I am very aware of what not to do in front of a child, from examples and other things. I know not to argue with Jason in front of them, not to say negative things in front of them etc. I thought as long as I keep myself in check that way, they will not know any of it goes on, if it does. But, the book points out that children notice not only what you DO in front of them like fighting, but what you DON'T do. If you and your husband are not in sync, or worse not in love, or not interacting in a very loving affectionate way, the child does notice. Whether they know what exactly is it, who knows, but they observe the relationships, and the feeling that resides in the home, as early as 4 months old.

I loved this first chapter, and it made me feel so much better, and more at ease about the transition.

The second chapter got more into the feeding. This book is mostly known and praised for its feeding schedule technique. This chapter explained why creating a schedule is ok. The reason why parents who do not like this book, or do not schedule feed is they say their baby has a schedule already, and I feed them when they are hungry. This chapter points out that obviously your baby has some sort of schedule set up, out of randomness, but that the schedule they have is in no way because thats what is best for baby, it is just what is. This chapter talks about why hunger cues are not enough to go off of, and why you shouldn't assume a 2 day old baby knows what is best. There weren't any quotes that stuck out to me in this chapter, and I don't want to offend anyone by going into what this book says is wrong with all the different feeding styles, but lets just say so far, I am on board with babywise. The thing I like the most about this book, is it is not a bullet list must do list of how to parent a baby. It gives you lots of tips, and you pick and choose what you think will work best for you.

For example, a big problem some have with this book is where it advises you to let your baby cry. Well I agree with a lot of others that you should not let your baby just cry until it is at least 3 months old. newborns need to know that you are there for them, and that crying will get your attention, when it is needed. but after a couple months, I think its ok, and important to let your baby cry, when there is no immediate need other than the baby doesn't want to go to sleep yet.

Regardless of how you may feel about the feeding schedule and other literal advice from this book, I think every new parent, and even existing parents should read the first chapter about marriage. I don't think anyone can argue with it.

So anyway, thats my take on Babywise for you. I just refuse to believe that just because you have a new baby means you can't have a life, have your hobbies, go out, get dressed and ready everyday, still get a decent nights rest, clean your house, and function normally. I had a friend who was so exhausted every single day all the way until the baby was like 1 and a half, because she was just at her childs every whim.

I just feel that your baby doesn't guide you, you are there to guide your baby. So I feel like it is ok to teach them routine, and stability. The earlier they learn routine, and feel the comfort of stability, I think the happier the child will be. This book's goal isn't to create selfish parents who just want sleep, it is to create functioning families where all members are happy and joyful with each other.

(**Disclaimer** I do not think any of the type of people mentioned in this post are in anyway bad parents.)