You still there?

HI!!!!

It has been FOREVER!! a lot has happened that has gotten in the way of my personally blogging. Allow me to explain. 

1. My photography got SUPER busy in the fall. I had about 3-4 sessions A WEEK. It was pure madness and took its toll on me, my family and my momma(who graciously watched my kids every time). So it forced me to reevaluate my business plan and schedule. 2013 will be the year of a strict schedule with it. Before I was so excited to be booking so many sessions,  that I just couldn't say no to anyone. The problem is people didn't realize I was so busy, so they would contact me a week before they wanted a session, and it was creating madness. So for this next year I am only booking a max of 2 sessions during the week, and 1 on Saturday's unless I have a wedding that week, then its less. My business goal for this year is to break into weddings. I haven't tried until now, because doing someones Wedding photography, to me, is the most important part of their wedding and its not something I felt comfortable "experimenting" on. I wanted to know the total in's and out's of my equipment, style, and editing before I agreed to do a wedding. I did my first one a few weeks ago, and I have another one in a month and I am pretty excited. I think I did well and will do ever better each time. I am doing a Bridal Fair in April to see how people respond and hopefully book more. So A LOT is going on with Kati Ann Photography. 

2. My friends and I started a blog, The Undone Blog, its about what motherhood is really like and not what most mommy blogs make it seem. We posted pictures of our regular outfits, cute and ugly, and talked about the good and the bad. Unfortunately with everything going on with my photography, having 2 kids, a hubby and a house, I just couldn't spread myself thin enough to keep doing it. But YOU should still check it out and go follow them, they are wonderful ladies and the blog is really fun. 

3. THE BOYS! Oh the boys. They are so tiring and so much fun. Charlie has been such a fresh delightful addition to our family. Henry adores him and Charlie can't get enough of Henry. Its so funny how different they are, Charlie is the easiest baby, so sweet and chill. Henry is still so active, outgoing, full of life and personality. He certainly keeps me on the go all day. He is still a little slow to speech, but lately the only word he wants to say is "ca' for car. EVERYTHING is a car. lol. 

4. Jason and I went on a great, much needed, anniversary trip in October. We stayed at the Homestead resort in Midway and swam in the crater there. 

It was sooo cool. We said we are definitely planning to take the kids there in a couple years when they will think its fun and not scary. Its a warm spring, goes 60 ft deep and you can actually take a quick scuba course and scuba dive on your own! We didn't do that this time, but plan to next time. It was fun to just float around together though. 

5. Jason officially switched positions at work, and as far as I can tell is really enjoying it. He works at a new building downtown, and has an awesome window seat lol. He went to New York last month for a week, and got a lot accomplished in the way of networking with the others he works with. Henry missed him a lot, but was thrilled to have him back so it was kind of worth it. 

6. The house. oye ve. I swear I never know what I want to do with it. We have started repainting the house a neutral grey color, taking forever, and I like it, but with Pinterest now I just have so many plans for the house that I am afraid its gonna have to wait until we buy another house and I can just totally start over. I did finish the basement into Jason's man cave while he was in new york, and I do love that room. I think with Pinterest and seeing all the different styles and designs that I have kinda figured out what my own style finally is, and not just trying to do whats currently cool. 

Thats our updates! Now that the holidays are over, I have prioritized things differently, I will be blogging a lot more than I have lately. Its important to me to have this blog, so my kids one day can read it and see what their mom was like as an individual, and not just a mom. 

:)

so stay tuned.

But tell me, who is still here and who is still blogging? Is it a lost art?
 

To him

I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough world, and he, like everyone else, is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner." 
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I needed this today. 

Jason, I love you, and am grateful for you beyond words and actions. 

grossy grossness

Sooooo my friends and I are starting the coolest mommy blog, EVER. One of the types of post we are doing require us all to take pictures of ourselves a couple times a week. 

WOW. 

There is NOTHING that can motivate you to lose weight more than see a picture of yourself, head to toe, that often. So hopefully this will be a good thing and kick me into REAL gear. I have been losing a pound or two a week, but now, now I mean business. 

Because gross. 

I look gross. 

You will see, when we make the blog go public. 

Henry words

more Henry words!!

"a-see"  Reesie  (our cat)

"di-dee"  kitty

"lee" Charlie

"babee"  baby

he shakes his head for yes and no, and does A LOT of pointing

cut short

I have a minute to blog! Ah!!

life here is pretty great. I am in love with all of my boys, and each day I am amazed at how much my love for them grows. I think I have the hang of this mom of two thing but there are some things about it I have realized. 

my main concern is the boys and their happiness. That means that MY happiness is on the back burner, and by that I mean the house. lol. I adore a clean house that smells like fresh linens. I miss the days where I only had to sweep once a week. The TV room carpet, I am positive is lined with goldfish. But for my sanity sake, Henry gets his snacks and treats down there because its too much to get them both upstairs and do it properly in the kitchen. Today I learned to be ok with it. This is my life right now. This is the chapter I am in. In a few years when they are older it will be a different story, and 10 years from now hopefully my house can stay cleaner longer, but ya gotta live in the present. 

I didnt think I had patience. With Henry I feel constantly impatient, cause he and I are learning these new stages together so it feels like that. But now that I am repeating stages with Charlie, I realize I am SO much more patient than I used to be. My blood pressure doesnt sky rocket when he starts crying in the car, and I dont worry constantly that I am doing something wrong. 

I am so excited for them to grow up. I know I keep saying that, and its not that I dont love them now and their sweet spirits, but I know it just gets more fun from here. Especially this week since everyone was sending their kids off to school. I am so excited to pick Henry up everyday from school and hear what he has to say. I am also excited and nervous about teaching him to be a good person. I am firmly against corporal punishment, BUT, there is one instance where I will not hesitate to bend them over my knee, and thats if I find out they are being some sort of a bully. 

ugh. Charlie is up. 

gotta go. 

I am totally one of those now

Henry is started to talk more and more, so I FINALLY get to be one of those parents that post all the cute things their kids say. 

Because really, I do think those are my favorite blog posts ever. I just love seeing all the different and unique ways that kids say the same words. 

So here are Henry's, its a short and sweet list, but I dont wanna forget. 

"papa" Grandpa

"dadee" daddy

"bow" ball

"blash" Splash

"bubble" bubbles

"baba" blankey

He STILL wont say mommy. :(

Lets hear it for the boys

Henry 

He is the funniest kid I have ever met. He does the weirdest funniest things, and as soon as he realizes you are laughing at him, he does it even more. 

He is also the healthiest eater I have ever met. You give him a choice between cookies or fruit, he will hands down always take the fruit. He loves his cottage cheese, too. yuck. 

Has turned into a good little napper. anywhere from 2-4 hour nap a day. 

throws his hands in the air for "yay!" all day long. 

he is a guys guy. He loves his grandpas, dad, and uncle. 

He will copy anything you do, and he only has to see you do it once to know how to do it. 

He is adjusting pretty well to Charlie. He still has some aggressive moments about it, and he certainly is not about to give up his baby swing to him, but he loves to give him his version of kisses. 

Charlie

or as I like to call him, Char Char

Honestly such a sweet baby. Even his cry is soft and innocent(total opposite of Henry's lol)

HATES pooping and being poopy. He wont stop fussing until you change him

only does 1-2 feedings a night

is still asleep almost all day

loves to snuggle with just about anybody

has little rolls on his legs, but they definitely aren't chunk

still sleeping in our room, and honestly I am scared to move him, but more on that later

takes a binky, and it helps in some situations, but doesnt seem to be attached to it

Jason

Cutest hubby ever

He was such a trooper through my pregnancy, and even when I was at the hospital calling him at 4 am to come help me deal with annoying nurses

does more than his share of the work on the weekends

getting better and better at golf

started a new position at Goldman Sach's and is loving it

studliest man I know

2 weeks down, 934 to go

Meet Charlie. This is the only nice picture I have taken of him so far. I suck. its my goal for tomorrow to take his newborn pics. I must. 

Anyway, I started this post amped with a lot of juice for it, but that has fizzled. So here are the basics. 

Charlie is an AMAZING baby. If you remember, Henry was a nightmare newborn, screamed constantly, slept and napped AWFUL, didnt eat, etc. Charlie is the complete opposite on every level. Hardly cries, eats and sleeps like a CHAMP. Seriously, he is probably only awake for a couple hours a day. 

He was a HUGE baby at birth, 8lbs 10oz.  I mean, it was just ridiculous.  He has gorgeous brown hair that I just adore. He took his circumcision like champ, even though we had to wait until he was two weeks old to do it. 

He is such a patient baby, and I am so blessed for that. If Henry gets hurts or needs me that moment, I can set him down whereever for however long and he is fine. 

He is a total snuggle bug. he rarely makes a peep when he is being held. Its pretty adorable. 

This is Henry and Charlie. 

Henry, hasnt made his mind up yet about Charlie. Sometimes he loves him, gives him kisses and wants to help with him. Other times he is hurling projectiles at him and trying to smack him on the head. I will chalk it up to brotherly love. 

I can tell, that Henry can tell that something is different, and he is trying to work with it. He hasnt really done a bunch of tantrums. He can look at me, see I might be busy, and do something else. It kind of makes me sad, cause I dont want him to think I am too busy for him, so I make extra certain when I see he wants me, that he gets me. 

(Possible TMI ahead)

Then there is me. Sorry, no picture. 

2 weeks postpartum and I think I am almost back to normal. my girlie parts still hurt a little if I do too much, the bleeding has almost completely stopped, but my milk seems to still be there. At least I am not engorged, that crap hurt. 

I havent tried to fit into any clothes other than my maternity stuff, cause I am just too dang scared. 

So there ya go. 

theres our update. 

:)

My and Charlie's journey to his first week of life, and why I quit breastfeeding

Before I begin this post I want to start with thanking EVERYONE for your advice and support in the last week about breastfeeding. 

I have decided to not breastfeed, or pump, and I am happy with the attempt I made. 

In the hospital every nurse helped me, and the lactation specialist. I left the hospital sorta kinda good with breastfeeding, after 5 mins of work I could get Charlie to latch, I had to relatch him several times, and there was no milk, so it was kinda pointless. I cant remember what all happened in what order, but I tried latching him on my own, my milk hadnt come in, by the time it had we had already supplemented with a bottle to make sure he was eating, so he then had no interest in the nipple, so I tried the nipple shield, worked once, but with my milk once the nipple shield filled with milk, he had to suck harder to get more out and he didnt like that. So then I decided to just pump and feed him with a bottle. Here is the issue I had with that. It is EXTREMELY time consuming. When Charlie came, next to his safe arrival, the most important thing to me what Henry. Making sure he knows he is loved, cherished, adored, and happy. That means I wanted every single free second I had, to go to him. Not the pump. Even if the pump was for Charlie, it wasnt important to Charlie, like my attention is to Henry. 

I was also MISERABLE. People kept telling me it could take over a month to get the hang of it, and I only planned on BF for 6-8 weeks, so to be miserable for a month, for the last two weeks to be good, was completely stupid. Looking back(as if it was that long ago lol) I can see that I was depressed. I wasnt happy, I didnt feel like anyone else in my family was happy, and I didnt feel like any aspect of breastfeeding was right for us. The thought of Jason going back to work absolutely terrified me, because I still didnt even know how I was going to feed Charlie. I understand now that what I went through is probably pretty common when learning to BF and getting the hang of it, but that doesnt mean it was worth to me. It just wasnt. 

So with that, I decided to stop it all together and switch to formula. I dont feel ashamed, or like Charlie isnt getting what is best. Formula is just best in our family, was for Henry too, for lots of reasons. Jason gets to bond with them, I can KNOW for certain what they are getting, they stay fuller longer, its easier to leave him with others, and it doesnt make me emotional or hormonal. 

So no, I am not breastfeeding anymore, and honestly, I dont think I will try again if we have another child. I dont see it going any different than it has before, and its not worth it to me anymore to even try. 

I am currently trying to get rid of my milk supply, and that is sooo painful. not to mention I hate waking up in a pool of breast milk. So any advice or tips you can offer in THAT category would be greatly appreciated. :) 

Charlie's debut

We arrived for our scheduled induction around 6 am. We got checked in, and I was already dilated to a 4.5, and my contractions were every 3-5 minutes. I had been in early labor since Sunday if you remember. 

So they started me on Pitocin, then, the horror, the epidural. I had an epidural with Henry, so I knew what to expect and how it goes. The anesthesiologist came in, and instantly it was like a dark cloud entered the room. He was not talkative, nice, social etc. He just asked basic medical questions, gave me demands on what to do, it was awful. He had me on my side, and didnt even tell me what he was doing or when he was doing stuff, all of a sudden I just felt pain. He said it was really hard because my spine was so compressed so it took a long time and I just bawled and cried through all of it. It was so traumatic. As soon as it was done I was just so depressed and done with everything, I didnt want visitors, my photographer, nothing. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. I know it seems a bit extreme, but it was just really awful mentally for me. 

But, after I took a small nap I perked up again and once my Dr. came to break my water he cheered me up. Then my mom and sister got there and I felt good again. So That all was at 7 am, my Dr broke my water around 8. Then we just hung out for an hour or two and at 1030, the nurse came to check me and I was a 9.5! She hurried and called my Dr. who came downstairs and we started pushing. 10 minutes later, I had Charlie. :)

Even though I decided I didnt have the energy to do a birth session, I still wanted pictures so I had my little sister take my camera and take pictures. lol poor 17 year old. 

2 pictures were being taken here lol. we clearly werent on the same page about where to look.

He's pretty darn perfect. He was 8 pounds 10 ounces!!! at 2 weeks early!!!!  21 inches long, just like his brother. :) 

We are in our recovery room and so far, almost everything is going fantastic. I am dressed in regular clothes! that was a goal of mine. I can move around just fine. I am however, having the same issues I had with Henry in the urinating category. I think I must be shaped funny anatomy wise and it just blocks off when I am swollen like this. I have 30 minutes more to try and pee on my own or I have to get a cath again. :( 

Also the breast feeding could be going better. He latches good, but then just sits there. lol He sucks a couple times, nothing substantial, and then just falls asleep lol. Soooo I dunno. But thats already 10 times better than Henry did. 

For the most part this little guy is just sleepy. 

Pre Charlie

I am just sitting in, here the quiet of our bedroom, waiting for my freshly painted toenails to dry, and am trying to hold back emotions that I have about having another baby. 

Its so hard to put into words out it feels. 

On sunday I went into early labor while at my mother in laws house, so we went over to the hospital to see what was going on, and let me tell you, leaving Henry there was the HARDEST part of this whole thing. He was totally fine and happy, playing outside with balls and whatnot, but for me, sitting in the car pulling away from him knowing that in that very moment, I was choosing my other child over him, killed me. It hurt so bad, all I could do was cry. I wasnt progressing fast enough so they sent me home. To be honest I was more upset that I got sent home because it meant I would have to leave Henry like that again, and that is giving me so much anxiety. 

I rocked henry to sleep tonight, possibly for the last time as a mom of just 1, and I took every chance to soak it up and connect with his sweet spirit. 

Its hard for me to realize that I am changing Henrys life completely, and that theres no way for me to make it not hard for him. I am so aware of him and his needs for love and attention and I hope I can do enough for him. 

I love Charlie so much already, and am aware of him also, and his needs for love and attention. 

Its already so hard for me. 

There are so many emotions that I didnt expect to feel. Its down to the wire, its too late for learning and changing things, its less than 48 hours away. Its so stressful. 

The funny thing. 

There is such a feeling a peace in our house. 

Such a calm feeling. 

Its quite nice, I hope it stays. 

Ok. my toes are dry. going to bed. :)

I hate dogs

I have never been a dog person. Since I was little. Probably has something to do with what I consider to be a few traumatic incidents involving dog bites, but still. never have been. 

BUT 

I am the mother of boys. It seems there is some natural maternal want that develops when you have boys, you want them to have a dog. 

despite what you want. 

Henry generally takes a while to warm up to dogs, BUT, he is such an active kid and runs around all the time, I have no doubt that he would love and adore HIS dog. 

So Jason and I have been throwing around the idea, very lightly, and where we are at now is Jason doesnt want a dog until the boys are old enough to help. 

Which means not for another 3ish years. 

but I want so badly for Henry to have a puppy. I know he would love it. 

oh and when we do get a puppy, it will be a beagle

Arent they ADORABLE?>!

after 5 minutes of research we have determined that society says this breed is the best with kids, and introduced early enough, fine with cats. 

cause if you remember we have 2 cats. 

I can't wait. I am excited. Even though I am nothing of a dog person, I want my boys to be dog people. 

Get out!!!!

I am trying SO hard to get Charlie out. 

I have my reasons. 

1. a ridiculously amount of pain no one who is doing "gods work" should have to constantly feel.

2. more importantly, my dr has decided to jet off to france from the 23rd to the 3rd.  ppssh. They are inducing me the 4th(or 5th), so if he decides to come even 1 day earlier, then my Dr. wont be here. :(

So I have until Saturday to get him out. 

AH!!!! 

Its kinda stressing me out. 

I know I am only 36 weeks, but babies are plenty healthy at this point, my dr said out of 100 babies born right now, 1 will need to go to the NICU and not for anything serious. 

So. 

GET.OUT. NOW. 

Lately

Ah!!! I have neglected this blog quite a bit. A friend from high school re-did my photography website for me, and it lit a creative fire under my butt so I have been spending all my extra time doing that. 

So lets see. I am 36 weeks pregnant. 

Jason started his new position at work today, so if you remember, that means we SHOULD be living in New York right now, buuuut we aren't. It was just so messy and complicated with getting him home in time for the birth so his work sent someone from New York out here to train him instead of sending Jason out there. 

So nice. 

So 36 weeks pregnant, my Dr is inducing me at 38! So relieved. My back took a real beating with Henry's pregnancy, and didnt heal enough to go through this one pain free, and its just gotten worse and worse, and they think I may have another bulging disc, so they are taking Charlie early. Its the earliest the policy allows induction, and its the earliest my dr can even do it cause he will be out of town. 

I am ready for him to be here and not be pregnant. I remember what it was like having a newborn, I know how little sleep there is, etc. Trust me, I remember. The pain I am in daily, nightly, 24/7 is SO much worse than any form of newborn sleep deprivation. Basically where my body is currently is that I can not bend or use my ab muscles(which you use every second of the day) without excruciating sharp pain. Funny enough, a couple weeks ago as a last ditched effort to maintain a sanitary house I bought an old persons reacher stick:

It helps SOOOOO much. I can pick up a room without bending and so by the end of the day, I am not paralyzed. Still in pain, but not as much.  My dr is letting my take Loritab, but after 2 doses of it, Jason thinks that it keeps me up at night, so I havent been taking it anymore. 

I want to shot out to ALL the many people who have helped in some way or another during this pregnancy. My mom has been a HUGE help with Henry and even cleaning my house sometimes. My sisters love playing with Henry and when I sneak off to my moms house to take a break, they willingly without being asked will chase Henry around and keep him out of trouble. I have many many friends who have just offered anything I needed, babysitting, food, cleaning, and even though I usually wont take advantage of that, I greatly appreciate their offers. Although I did take advantage of it when Jordan offered to come deep clean my kitchen floor lol. and of course, my husband, for scratching my back every night, bringing me ice water, taking care of Henry the second he gets home, doing what he can with the house when he can, and more importantly, putting up with my overdramatic emotional hormones during this time. He's a trooper and a keeper. 

again, mine beats yours.

Last night while taking out one of my contacts, I scratched my eye. 

Worst pain I have ever felt(next to having a certain area waxed, NEVER again).

I couldn't keep my eye open, or  shut, so I just had to pick one. I closed my eyes and fell asleep around 830. 

My sweet, adorable, thoughtful husband then went downstairs and cleaned my entire kitchen and dining room.  Did the dishes, swept the floor, took out the garbage, restocked the paper towels, etc. all of it. 

I can not tell you what this meant to me, and I didnt even know it would. 

I woke up this morning not feeling any of my usual gotta clean the house stress. I woke up ready for a day of being a mom. I felt so much happier knowing that the biggest daily chore I have was done, and I could just spend most of the day playing with my son. 

and boy did we. 

We got out his pool, and swam in 8 inches of water for hours. 

we laughed. 

wrestled.

snacked.

snuggled. 

It was fantastic. 

I am not sure my husband knew by doing this that it would dramatically change my day today, but I grateful he did it anyway. 

I love that man of mine

T minus 5 weeks

I have slightly over 5 weeks until Charlie comes. 

As far as things go for Charlie, things are ready. We aren't gonna buy his crib til probably a month after he is here, and I still have a slimmer of hope that we wont need to buy a new one and Henry will give his up. Charlie's nursery is ready. I reupholstered the car seat for him so its all comfy and new. I even bought a pack of newborn diapers the other day(holy freaking tiny!!).

What I am not prepared for, is for Henry to have Charlie come. One thing I have heard and learned that is consistent among advice for the first born to add a new sibling, is to have all changes done 4 weeks BEFORE the baby comes. Potty training, toddler bed, bottle weaning, etc. 

So 5 weeks before Charlie comes, here is where we are at with Henry:

He is completely weaned from formula

he is still in his crib

he puts himself to sleep at nigh

potty training...bahaha! for reals?

still wakes up at night for a freaking feeding

Now, the concerning one. at 14 months old I still rock him to sleep for his nap. I know I know, I should be done with that, but its such a sweet tender moment that Ive been selfish in holding on to it. about 2 months ago I tried cry it out for his nap and it was awful, he would go to sleep just fine, but would only stay asleep for 45 mins. I did it for a good week and it never got better so I stopped. 

5 weeks before Charlie comes, this is my last chance to wean this. Today I put him down in his crib awake, he was asleep within minutes, and has been asleep for 90 mins! woot woot!! so hopefully it continues to be this good and get better. 

The other concerning one, the night feeding. This is so frustrating. My kid is 14 months old and still wakes up for a feeding. He goes in phases, he will sleep through the night for a month, sometimes two, and then out of no where start waking up hungry again. I have no idea how to completely fix it. We've done cry it out, we've slowly fed him less and less, nothing has worked long term. To be completely honest I have not been so gung ho about getting rid of the feeding because at this moment it is not disrupting my life, I mean, I am usually already up peeing anyway. 

So here is my advice I am asking for:

advice on the night feeding

advice on how to prepare a 14-16 month old for a sibling

and anything else you double mommys can think of that would have helped you in these last 5 weeks, or the weeks after. 

My blog has turned from my journal into my cries for help platform lol. But you guys are oh so good with all your wisdom! I am lucky. :)

Socially acceptable....

I prefer the written word

and I am a very loud passionate person

This makes for a very hard person to have disagreements with, as my husband has discovered. Over the last 4 years Jason and I continue to learn and evolve in each others way of communicating, but its just so dang hard, probably for the both of us, to get past how loud I am. When I yell, I YELL, so when I am just talking passionately, it can certainly come across as yelling, even though to me, its not. 

I am also a very sarcastic person

This makes for lots of times I wish I would have thought before I said something. Now, our way of communicating during disagreements has improved 1000% since we were first married, and I would say it has evolved from fighting to a disagreement discussion. We are very careful not to call names, not to assign responsibility and to use cheesy phrases(which actually help a lot) like," when you do this I FEEL this way." Using the word FEEL is very powerful, it kind of shares responsibility, because feelings are all up to interpretation by the person feeling them. 

Anyway

my point is sharing this with you was not to give you perhaps personal insight into our marriage, but to ask this question:

Do you think it is an acceptable form of communication to text important discussions, instead of face to face?

You see, my preference for the written word began long before I met Jason. I can remember as far back as 12 years old preferring to write a letter to my older sister telling her how much I hate(drama queens) her rather than yelling at the top of our very loud and powerful lungs. We would write each other letters and slip them under the bedroom door and wait for a reply. Sometimes I wonder if my parents had any idea we did this, but it seemed to not only keep the decibel peace, but it helped us get our message across without being interrupted, given snotty looks, or what else. Not only that but I think when you read something as apposed to hearing it, you hear it differently and perhaps more profoundly.   

my tone in nature is very sarcastic. Its why I ALWAYS was horrible at telephone jobs. So even when I am sincerely saying I am sorry, I admit it does sound wrong. It sounds like I am saying it sarcastically, or forcibly. 

but texts doesnt have tone. So sometimes with me, its almost better for my words to come across toneless, than with my natural tone.  

I know in the end it all comes down to personal choice and what me, my spouse, family etc decide is the best way of  communication, but I am curious to know if its a socially acceptable thing, and if there are others like me. 

So again I pose this question:

Do you think it is an acceptable form of communication to text important discussions, instead of face to face?

Charlie's Nursery

Here is a little sneak peak of what I am doing with Charlie's nursery, slowly but surely. 

This is the diaper pad cover that I mad for him, with Jason's pickyness along the way. I tell ya, don't ask your husband to be apart of crafts. 

This is the peg board above the changing table/dresser. I looooove the iron helmet I found, and that football field chalkboard? $1 at Target. :)

This is possibly my favorite part so far, because I thought of it all myself, no Pinterest or anything! :)

I wanted it to look as much like his own locker as possible. I may or may not add our last name on the front of the shelf, but I think it looks like a locker without it. 

The helmet is actually signed by Steve Young, my mom got it a LONG time ago, like 10 years ago, and donated it to the nursery. :D

So there ya go. I still need to sew and hang curtains, purchase and set up the crib, and finish reupholstering a chair. Then it is done. :) 

What it means

Being a mom to a little boy named Henry means, 

always rocking him to sleep for naps

learning to drive and pass snacks to him at the same time

having gates everywhere cause he refuses to go down stairs on his own

recording SuperWhy! everyday and watching it at least 3 times

it means watching Superwhy! while I feed him, cause otherwise eating is boring to HIM

it means sometimes having to take a drive to get him to drink from his sippy cup

making sure you NEVER leave his blankie anywhere, or bedtime will be a disaster 

being inactive at church, because its just not worth it to miss his ONE  nap

sharing your bowl of mac and cheese. :/

it means still using a baby monitor at night cause he still wont consistently sleep through the night

lots and lots of smiles, laughs, and snuggles

it means always getting good pictures because he loves the camera

always having bananas on hand, cause its his favorite

it means getting adore the beautiful endless love he has for his dad

sleeping in each day now because he will sit and watch Superwhy for an hour in my room

hearing his pig like squeel anytime he sees a cat

it means having lots and lots of balls around the house

being a mom to a little boy named Henry means LOTS of things, but above all it means an endless amount of adoring love from him, constant laughter together, many sounds you have no idea what they mean, the sweetest moments in life you will ever have, and the deepest gratitude to your heavenly father for the amazing blessing, and immense trust he has in you for placing a little boy named Henry into your arms. 

thats what it means, to be a mom to a little boy named Henry

Breastfeeding part, what, 3?

Today while internet window shopping I came across this picture:

Moms, PLEEEEASE tell me thats what breastfeeding is like? pssh. 

Sitting at a nice table, hair done, make up smashing, next to a big beautiful window, with a baby just nicely I am sure gently eating away. 

kinda irked the heck out of me. 

Anyway I am not sure that has much to do with this post, just know that it annoyed me that a company thought this picture would some how convince me to buy their hooter hider. 

But this post is about breastfeeding. 

I have more questions. 

1. for pumping, what is the best most practical way to store milk? I have decided on the Ameda Purely Yours pump, which comes with like 4 containers, but is that enough, or is that even what I want to store it in? do you store it in containers, or baggies for the bottles that use bags?

2. bottles, what is the best breastfeeding bottle? I know each kid is different, and with henry we tried at least 5 different bottles and in the end it was the nipple that he was picky about. So is there a better bottle or nipple to use?

3. nursing covers, must have or can I just throw a maxi skirt over my head?

4. how long is breastfeed good for when frozen?

5. is there a nursing bra that is just so fabulous and fits everyone or is finding a nursing bra going to be as miserable as finding a regular bra while pregnant?

6. what tops are easiest to wear when nursing? 

I am sure I could google these questions and get similar answers, but I like asking you guys more because my friends are most comparable to me in lifestyle and thoughts. 

so indulge me again. :)

oh wait, I am pregnant?

Alright I thought I would do an official pregnancy post. I mean, I used to do a weekly one with Henry. I also had the time though. 

This is my 30 week pic. Maternity pants always make my crotch look funny, am I the only one?

Sooooo ok. 

The first trimester was just as miserable as Henry's. Tired all the time, couldnt eat anything, and taking care of a baby, so it was probably worse. 

Around 15 weeks it let up and honestly since then I have barely noticed I am pregnant. 

I still hate it, but its not as hard as Henry's was. Sometimes when I put on clothes I think I should be able to wear, and they dont fit, I have to remind myself, oh yeah, I am pregnant. 

Charlie is not nearly the active little fellow that Henry was, hope thats a sign of things to come lol. I think if my Dr asked to start doing kick counts(which he doesnt do anyway), that I would probably get freaked out because I feel Charlie maybe 10 times a day. I am not worried about it, I also probably just dont notice since I am chasing Henry around all day. 

Charlie's nursery is 0% complete. I am hoping to get it painted this week, and then it will just all come together. I have all the stuff and decor, just need to assemble it all together. 

I am actually really excited for him to arrive. After your first child, you realize the true excitement and uniqueness that every child has, and I am so excited to meet Charlie and his personality. 

I am also excited to get back to the gym. 

I am REALLY excited that this is my second pregnancy, so my Dr will start things earlier. With my first they wouldnt do ANYTHING until my due date, now that its my second, he will strip my membranes at 38 weeks. The membrane stripping was what started Henry's birth I am pretty sure. 

so hopefully I have about 8 weeks left, which is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to me. As cliche as it is, the second one goes by so fast. 

My only stress about it at this point, lol, is actually when to have the 3rd and last baby. I know it seems silly to worry about it now, but I know I want them all out and done with, but I really want to get back into shape and healthy before I have the 3rd. 

Speaking of which, I have so far gained 15 lbs with this pregnancy, with Henry's I had already gained 45 lbs! yuck. 

so there ya go! 

boring details. 

blah blah blah.

You are my google part 2

THANK YOU!!!

seriously, thank you guys for your "novels." I will be bookmarking that post so I can go over your comments over and over when Charlie comes. 

BUT, I do have 1 HUGE concern based on what you all said.

Everyone pretty much said the same thing, that a feeding takes anywhere from 20-60 minutes at a time at first. How in the world am I supposed to accomplish that while taking care of Henry?

Is that why moms have these snuggy long fabric wrap things?

Cause seriously, Henry's not a bad baby, but hes very energetic and always on the go and into something, so there is no way I sit somewhere from 40 minutes to feed baby, then pumping on top of that?!

Seriously, I am getting anxiety over it. 

I know some of you wont know what to say, cause you're like me with just 1 kid, but some of you have two and BF both, SO TELL ME HOW IT WORKS!!!

And seriously, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your "TMI comments" :) They were exactly what I was looking for. 

you are my google

I didnt breastfeed Henry, and honestly I had no desire to. Furthermore with the issues he had it wouldnt have been for long anyway. 

But assuming Charlie won't have those issues, I REALLY wanna breast feed him. 

Reasons aside, it doesnt matter, but I am determined to for at least 8 weeks. 

BUT, I have no idea where to start. 

When I had Henry, a lactation consultant came to our room to try and help me, and I found it quite the opposite. 

So I, like always, am turning to you, my faithful loyal blog readers. 

You guys have never steered me wrong in the past, so help me out again. 

First, I know there are breastfeeding classes and things like to help, so if its your opinion that those classes are all I need, then you can just say that. 

If you think theres a lot more to it than a class teaches, help me out. 

here are my biggest worries or concerns:

How do I know when he has had enough

when do I know to switch sides

how long does it take to thaw and warm up a frozen one(for Jason to feed at night)

does breastfeeding really make them not sleep as great

do you leak all the time

tips and tricks for teaching baby how to first latch(that was my problem with Henry)

boppy pillow, necessary?   

I am sure I have more questions, those are just all I can think of right now. 

:) Thanks, Ladies. 

humph.

I cant get rid of this negative funk I am in! 

All day everyday all I can think about is 2-3 years from now, when all 3 of our children are here, I can get back into shape, and move on from the "starting a family" phase to just having a family. 

helping them develop their personalities

likes

dislikes

teaching them

learning with and from them

playing with them

loving and being love by them

laughing with them

Im just not a pregnancy person, or a newborn person.

I am already tired, 1 kid in, of being the constant lively caretaker. I can handle a basic caretake of a toddler/kid, but a baby caretaker just takes sooooo much out of me. Its constant, 24/7 about another person.

Don't get me wrong, I love Henry with every fiber of my soul, and would do it all over again 100 times for him in a heartbeat, but I just can't wait for the next chapter in our familys life. Being a family. 

I know we are a family, but sometimes it feels like Jason and I still, with a baby. I look forward to when they all have opinions(as frustrated as I know it might get at times). 

Like when I can say:

What do you guys want for dinner?

What game should we play?

Should we go to grandmas?

I am just excited for my babies, to be people. 

I love my son, more than anything, more than I ever thought possible, and I will cherish his infant year and look back with many fond memories. 

Like getting up for a feeding at 4 am and snuggling him on the couch while we watch the Royal wedding. 

having to keep my hand in the back seat from the front so he could suck on my pinky to sooth him.

Rocking to him sleep for his naps all the way until he was 1. 

Rooting him on as a newborn when he sneezed 5 times in a row telling him he can totally make it to 6.

I will always remember these times and many more, but I just cant get past, looking forward. 

Anyone else feel this way? Ever? 

its a vicious cycle

Allow me to vent for a minute. 

I am tired of being pregnant. 

and not just this pregnancy, the next one. 

I am already tired of being pregnant with the next baby. 

I just want my family here, to have my body back, get back into shape, wear all my old and new pretty clothes, feel great, be able to run around with my kids, and just not be pregnant. 

does anyone else feel this way?

I get so much motivation to eat right and work out, and even do it, but its such a frustrating mental game in my head that I can do it all and still be fat(pregnant) and not only not see results, but know that I wont for a very long time. 

Its so depressing and half the time I just think what in the frick is the point. 

it makes me wanna cry, do better, yell, give up, try harder and all of that just makes me a complete basket case. 

With my recent coming to terms of my shopping addiction its made this issue even worse. 

When I lost 50 lbs 3 years ago, I switched from eating for fun and destress, to shopping. Now that I need to gain control of my shopping, I naturally wanna return to eating for fun and destressing. 

I am just frustrated. 

overwhelmed. 

depressed, 

no light at the end of the tunnel.

doomed to be fat. 

I could cry, but I know that won't help. and I am getting to the point in this pregnancy that exercise is painful and uncomfortable. 

LUCKILY I havent gained very much this pregnancy, and not even a quarter of what I gained with Henry, so I do have a slimmer of hope that I will bounce back after Charlie comes. 

I am sorry this is such a negative post, but seriously, am I the only one that feels this way?

My name is Kati and...

 I have a secret. 

Its not an exciting one, its more of a hidden one. 

I have had this secret, problem, since I can remember. Since I was able to have it, around 16-17. 

I am an addicted compulsive shopper. 

I know, you may think well so am I, but its not the typical woman needs to shop sorta thing. 

I have to buy something, everyday. If I don't, I get some sort of chemical reaction causing anxiety. 

as a single adult it got me into a lot of credit card debt, as as a married adult its causing my husband lots of stress. 

I go to the dollar store and spend $30 on stuff that I maybe use half of. 

I go to the DI to justify buying stuff cause its so cheap, and then my basement is now full of DI goodness. 

I buy things on clearance so Jason cant make me take them back. 

I will hide stuff for 30 days so I am past the refund policy. 

or I just tell him I will take something back and I don't. 

its bad. 

I don't think its super bad like go on a TLC addictive habits show, but its bad enough it needs to change. 

Now I am not a hoarder, I can for sure say that. I have no issues getting rid of stuff, and that bugs Jason too. 

I grew up moving around in the military and my mom had a cleaning theory, if you haven't used it in a year, throw it away. Since we moved all the time, we didn't want to constantly pack and unpack stuff we never used. 

The only things I save that I havent used in a year are decor items I want to use some day, and fabric. I buy a LOT of fabric. If I am at a fabric store, which I go to just for fun, and I see one I love, I have to buy at least a yard of it in case when I need it, its gone. 

sigh. 

its bad. 

its slightly embarrassing.

and its stressful, for me, my husband, and our marriage. 

Everything I have read online about it says that typically to get over this "addiction" you may require therapy. 

but, I don't know, its weird to me to think of it as an addiction or something that requires treatment. 

I am sure that is a phrase lots of compulsive shoppers say, but its true. 

It kinda seems silly to seek help for it, and I really don't understand how it would help. 

So for now, on my own, I put all my credit cards and money spending things in Jason's possession. He says that makes it seem like I am a teenager that needs to have things taken away, but thats the only way I know how to not spend. 

Sooo we will see how it goes. 

So there you have it. Thats my secret. Sorry it wasnt something exciting like twins, but there it is. 

Anyone else a compulsive shopper, or another secret?

1 year older

Soooo.....

This little dude.

is turning 1!

Sometimes it blows my mind that he is already 1, and then other times it feels like he should be leaving for college already. 

He certainly has done a total 180 since his newborn days. I remember for the first like 2 months all he did was scream and scream. It was torture. Luckily I had a few good friends to give me good advice and help me through it. Thanks to those of you. :)

These days, this kid is rarely anything short of happy. He is constantly smiling, laughing, babbling, and flirting. He flirts with alllllll females. He is the most well behaved baby ever when we go to the store. He never makes a peep and just looks around. Sometimes he babbles to me and I babble back. I love it. he loves to suck on food, and then spit it out. That is getting kind of frustrating. 

At any rate, I am excited to have a big party for him. 

To kick off his birthday we bought him a swing set. 

:)

I never had one growing up, so I was excited when it finally arrived. 

Here are some pictures of his first go around on the swing set. 

 

So basically it makes for 1 happy kid, and I am HOPING it will soon start to make for a tired kid that will take a longer nap. :/ Currently he is on 1 nap a day, but its only 2-2.5 hours. :(

Happy Birthday week to my little man! Can't wait for saturday. 

Birthday party post to come after. :D

motherhood

Sometimes through out the day, I need little pick me ups, and the best pick me ups lately for me, have come from lds quotes on Mothers. I often here of church leaders talking about how "important motherhood is" but I always assumed they were just telling us that so we didnt feel ignored. These quotes certainly drive home the point of importance the role of motherhood has. One of my favorites is when one says She is a co-partner with God. That, is amazing. When I was pregnant with Henry I certainly felt like a co partner with God, costantly. Then when he was born I guess I assumed I was all on my own now, but its certainly not the case. So here are some of my favorites for you, in case you need a pick me up. :)

Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels -Conference Report, Oct. 1942, pp. 12–13

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

She is a co-partner with God in bringing His spirit children into the world. What a glorious concept! No greater honor could be given. With this honor comes the tremendous responsibility of living and caring for those children so they might learn their duty as citizens and what they must do to return to their Heavenly Father... A mother has far greater influence on her children than anyone else has, and she must realize that every word she speaks, every act, every response, her attitude, even her appearance and manner of dress, affect the lives of her children and the whole family.

--President N. Eldon Tanner

President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.” Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.”

--Sister Sheri Dew

One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one. 

--Thomas S. Monson

Sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.